I'm Darian Slayton Fleming, and thank you for joining me on Get What You Need and feel good about it. Do you find it difficult to ask for what you need? Do you frequently feel misunderstood? Do you have a problem or cause that you would like to learn to manage more effectively? What makes it so hard for us to tell each other how we feel? And how do we speak up for ourselves so we get what we need and feel good about it? How do we do this respectfully so that we honor the needs and feelings of others? Together we'll explore tips, strategies, and resources that, when used mindfully and consistently, will improve our results and enrich our relationship. Welcome to get what you need and feel good about it. Today's episode is entitled intentional Living Mindfulness in Everyday Life. So in episode one, I shared John Fleming's formula for overcoming barriers that seem insurmountable and pursuing his dreams despite sight lapse. And his formula is, be determined, do some creative brainstorming, and ask for a little help from your friends. And I believe this is an underpinning formula that anyone can use to overcome barriers, even fear, and go about pursuing our dreams of doing what we love. So today I invited Rebecca Mars to join us for this episode because Rebecca Mars is a yoga instructor and mindfulness expert extraordinaire. And when I discovered Rebecca's podcast called The Modern Mindfulness Podcast, I was really searching for ways to be more mindful and intentional in my own personal life concerning emotional regulation and doing what I wanted to do despite people's objections and concerns about me. And so I was looking for Mindfulness podcasts and I came across Rebecca Mars. And one thing I really loved about your bio, Rebecca, was that in your off time, you spend time soaking up the sun. And I love that too. I think it's a wonderful way to reset our emotions, to just get out there in the sun. Rebecca, could you tell us a little bit more about yourself and how you became someone that found mindfulness so important?

Yes, of course. And thank you. And I love that you resonate with the pausing and the breathing and the sunshine, because those are all such easy, accessible parts of life, and I don't think everyone uses them as readily. And even having it in their tool bag or whatever you might call it, and realizing that, yeah, can do that any second of the day, depending on the weather, of course, for the sunshine. But yeah. So my brief background is, as you mentioned, yoga, and with that comes meditation, and with those types of things comes mindfulness. And I grew up in a household that also encouraged mindfulness practices, everything from what we ate, the organic gardening my parents had been into since the books, and the things we exposed ourselves to in terms of we're taking in things through all of our senses always. And so I know that as I look back, I really was raised in a very mindful, just way. And so I do think it's a part of me. And at the same time, I've had my challenges and my struggles and things that I've had to overcome in my adulthood and going through healing of different traumas and things. But in terms of mindfulness and my approach, I can't say that I've studied mindfulness in a real as some people you can look it up and you can see all these people that have studied the ancient wisdoms and all the practices and all these when I talk about mindfulness, if you look it up in the dictionary it is a word that means awareness. That's it like to be aware of something. And so while I fully respect all these other lineages and teachers that take it in more of a classical way, I think that it's also something, again, very accessible and very simple and to just be aware of something is to be mindful of something. And back in 2016 I started using modern mindfulness, maybe in 2015, but I ran a summit and so I brought in all these different types of people. Some were coaches, some were yoga people, meditation teachers, some were not any of those sorts of things but they were using mindfulness in different ways in their careers and the gifts they were bringing to life in the world. So modern mindfulness has been around since around then as a coined thing and in that also came the podcast and came this avenue of like I love bridging modern living with mindfulness and sometimes it does tie in ancient practices and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it's just to be aware of being here as humans and the way we're moving through the world and even most importantly, our own inner world. And like you mentioned, emotional regulation and things like that that go on inside of us, our outer world is definitely a reflection of our inner world. So in terms of mindfulness, I do believe that just to be aware and things like the pausing as you mentioned and just to hear conversations like this that might heighten awareness of awareness can be a great way to start to spread. It for people to realize that it is already something that they're doing. But because of the way we are as humans. You mentioned the amygdala and parts of our brains and our nervous systems that are on high alert a lot of times looking for things that will maybe threaten us or put us in danger. And that's all really important. But at the same time, life is a gift, and there's a lot of beautiful things. And so to even zoom out and cultivate this sense when I describe awareness or mindfulness, it's like mindfulness is awareness. So what is awareness? I'll call it like being a fly on the wall, being an observer sitting in, as some yoga traditions call it, witness consciousness. To witness your consciousness. To not get so wrapped up in the thing, but to be able to observe it and not totally disassociating from it. But just to be able to observe it and not let it pull you underneath or whatever the emotion or energy might be of the thing and to be able to look at it from that lens of awareness and to be more mindful in that moment. So you can really then know how to reach into your tool bag and pull out whatever it is, a pausing a moment in the sun, a deep breath, and then move about your life, your day.

Yes. And you know what? I was thinking about this topic. You defined mindfulness as awareness. And I found something called the Happiness Worksheet that I think is in a book by Donald Altman called The Mindfulness Toolbox. And a bigger definition of mindfulness is being aware on purpose in the present moment without judgment. And that's such a huge definition that I feel like I always have to define each clause in that definition. And each clause actually deserves its own podcast. Today I was thinking that I wanted to focus on the part about being aware and on purpose because another word for on purpose I think is intentional. And so it is my thought that if we are aware intentionally, then we can start noticing what is bothering us, maybe isolate information about what we need, and we can be more intentional and proactive about taking the steps that we need to take to meet those needs. And we do that by being intentional, I think, and making the decision to take ourselves off autopilot and pay more attention to what's happening to us and around us, so we can make informed choices about how we respond that we feel good about. And that's what this podcast is all about. It's called get what you need and.

Feel good about it.

You mentioned one thing that I'm hoping to get back to in a future podcast, but the part about I forget what your exact words were, but the without judgment part. You were talking about being an observer. Not everything that we notice or see or experience needs to be analyzed. Not everything has to be judged sometimes, like the analogy of being a fly on the wall is a good one. Another way I've seen it talked about is considering your thought like a riverboat, and you can choose to get on the boat or stay on shore. Hopefully we'll have some time at the end of this podcast for you to walk us through an exercise that can help us get more in touch with what it means to be intentional, about what we're paying attention to and how we're responding. I do have some questions for you, but I wanted to say one more thing about the being aware on purpose. I don't know if you know who mary Morrissey is, but she is a personal growth expert and she's actually located in California also. And she's pretty famous if you look her up. She's done some TV shows and she does a program called Dream Builders. I went to a Dream Builder workshop and one of the things I took away from that was a phrase that she uses over and over again. And it's notice what you're noticing. I like that so much. It's almost like stop and smell the roses, right? It's notice. And you get to choose what you do with this. So what do you think about that in terms of awareness building?

Yes. Notice what you're noticing. I wrote that down. I'm going to remember that. I like that. And my brain is still kind of chewing on judgment. And this line, I can't remember who I heard it from, but it's like we judge ourselves for judging. It can run so deep and just really feeling. I know Gabriel Bernstein wrote a book called The Judgment Detox. And so it's a thing that is if you feel like it's in you, it's this energetic, emotional to me, it's just crud. It's gunk. And in the last year, it was something that I was facing, I think, more than ever of this judgment. I think I'm free of a lot of things and then what is this little in my mind? But I still through my practices, I was able to remember this isn't who I am. This is just something to figure out how to detox from it, how to get it out of the way. And that judgment can really be so toxic, especially when someone's aiming to live an intentional life. So I'm glad that you mentioned that. And there's other little snaky things like judgment that can kind of get in the way of this mindfulness path and journey. And they're good little tests because we're not any of these things and we're not any of the external. I believe at the core of all of us, we are light, we are love. We are that essence. We are energy. We have the body, but we're not the body. We have a mind with thoughts, but we're not the mind with thoughts. We have a breath and we're not the breath. We're all these things. We're layers and layers. But through all of that, who are we really? And so when I can remember that and in a way, I do feel like I zoom out and do that fly on the wall piece. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm not this judgment. I'm not any of these things. And if I am actually energy, essence, awareness, even, then I am mindfulness, you are mindfulness. We all are in that same energy of just kind of this pure essence. And this other stuff is just energetic gunk that gets in the way for good reason, because we're living these modern, great lives and that's what happens. But in terms of noticing what you're noticing and really feeling what that means. I'm a big feeler. So when I heard you say that, it's like, yes. And immediately you chiming in on the stopping and smelling the roses. It is that same feeling, like you could just walk by the rose and maybe you get a whiff of it or whatever, but to really pause and then notice and notice that feeling of noticing and noticing what it is that you're actually noticing. And it's like, gosh, life is really so lovely when you can peel back these layers and feel mindful in every moment like that. And it really could be anything. It could be drinking. I love coffee in the morning. It's like drinking the coffee, notice what I'm noticing and taking things to that next level. Because I think right now, we also, it's safe to say, have a lot of real generalized knowledge around these sorts of practices, call them spiritual or what have you, whether it's pausing, whether it's breathing, the breath work, the yoga, the this, the that, the eating, right? And it all can be just kind of generalized and in a way, skimmed over and not people. I teach yoga every week, and even just watching people in a class, there's room to go deeper, that people, in a way, are a little automated right now. Oh, we're so used to this. We're used to saying, I should live an intentional life, but get to that next level. So that notice, what you're noticing, to me is an invitation to feel. It just a little bit deeper than just those words, to actually feel. And I'm all about embodiment. That's so much of what I offer. And it's getting embodied with the mindfulness, getting embodied with the moments that are giving you little doses of joy or peace or calm or what have you. So there's something in that noticing that also makes me remember embodying all of this as well.

So what does embodying mean? I think you've kind of talked about it. Does it mean absorbing what you notice?

Yeah, that's a great question. And embodiment to me, means feeling it in the body. Anything can be embodied in an idea, a concept, something like that. It's sort of like walking the walk, talking the talk, feeling how we can just talk all day. We can be a talking head here on Zoom talking heads, but then the body my studies of body based practices, somatic experiencing yoga, fitness, various forms for all these years, the life lives in the body. And so when you think of taking something embodied, even like meditation, my modern meditation, it's embodied meditation because we can sit and we're heady creatures. Our brains are very strong. They're ready to drive us through life. But when we think about the amount of wisdom that's in the body I was reading something a week or two ago, and it was around how the yogi said, the mind holds intellect, the body holds wisdom and intelligence. And so intellect is great, but it really does only get us so far. And so to take anything in life and then just check, like, is it just running from ear to ear and staying in the head, or are you actually feeling it in the body? And then whether it's coming to really integrate a learning into your overall, every cell in your body understanding something, to me, that's intelligence. If it's just a memorized bit of data in the brain, that's great. But when it becomes more saturated in every cell and every one of our cells holds that wisdom and that power and that intelligence, that's when something becomes learned. That's when an idea becomes like a skill or a way of living. That's when I believe these moments of mindfulness, when we embody them and let them be felt in our bodies, that's when the real healing power comes in. That's when what I think people get into all this stuff for, for all the right reasons. But when they embody, when they embody it, that's when they're actually there. That's when you're able to receive the true gifts of all these sorts of practices. And it requires slowing down. And that's also another podcast for another day. People like to go fast. Their brains go fast. People fly down the road. People like to go fast. But slow, slow, slow, slow is where that's where the healing happens. That's where life is happening. That's really our true pace, I believe is a little slower pace. And so sometimes that embodiment. It doesn't happen for people because it does take a little time. And you have to learn to be okay with slowing down and trauma responses and things all for the right reasons. Sometimes slowing down can be a little scary or uncomfortable for people, but it's actually grounding.

It seems counterintuitive, but it's very grounding because I think for me, it gives me mental space to look at what is happening right now and what do I need? If I can slow down and take that time to think about it, then I am going to be making a choice and I'm going to be responding rather than reacting to the stressor. And that's why I expanded on your pause and breathe.

And.

I do a formula of pause, breathe, assess, respond. And it takes me five minutes to describe the process. But when you actually do it in the moment, it's not going to take that long. It's going to be a process, but I think it'll come naturally because when you give yourself that space, you find room to find clarity. I think you've already answered part of my first question, which is, do you live in intentional mindfulness practice and what does that look like? So you grew up with mindfulness as almost like a lifestyle in your household. What kinds of things do you do mindfully or that help you stay grounded. Do you have a daily mindfulness practice?

Yeah, to kind of give a more maybe textbook type answer. I aim to journal daily. I don't do it every day and same with meditation. So in terms of the mindfulness practices, I don't know if there was ever a time in my life where I did something every single day. I'm someone who really likes variety, so I think I know that in me. If I feel like I'm not being mindful, then I definitely kind of loop back to, okay, the pausing and the breathing and what do I need right now that's going to help me feel grounded, present, calm, focused. So mindfulness can bring so many results, if you want to call them that. It's not like everybody's going to be mindful for the same reason, even though it probably feels very similar, like what people are wanting as their outcome from a mindfulness practice. So sometimes I'm a big fan of just micro moments too, meaning like the moments of smelling my coffee. And there is something consistent. It could be making coffee nearly every day or getting a coffee every day. And it's something that I love. It's not just out of habit or addiction, it's something that brings me joy and comfort and so to smell coffee and that's probably my most consistent in mindfulness practice. But the other stuff comes and goes as needed. I really enjoy brain dump, journaling and doing things in the morning that just give me a sense of clearing out some of that gunk as I called it earlier. Sometimes it's walking. I've been known for many years to include headphones, but now I'm really trying to go without headphones, go without any input, go outside and just be outside, drive and just drive. I don't need extra things. And I think the world is changing and there's a lot of sensitivities now. Again, it's a good thing. I think people are in the waking up process, but I'm feeling for me, I'm much more sensitive than I used to be. So sometimes to have all these different layers of stimuli, like listening to something as I'm trying to do something else, I'm just aiming to simplify. So maybe simplifying could be also a mindfulness practice that I've been into lately is just how do I minimize things, how do I simplify things? And that could look all different ways.

When I mentioned mindfulness to people, one of the first things that I hear a lot is, oh, I'm not into meditation, I don't like meditation. And I've discovered that mindfulness can mean meditation and meditation can be a practice that can help us become more mindful. But meditation can look like a lot of different things and I don't see it anymore as like a Middle Eastern practice where we sit around chanting anymore. It's a whole lot more than that. How do you think it would benefit our listeners to develop and follow a regular mindfulness practice? What do you think would change in their lives if they were able to even take one step or not try to create it all at once if that's too overwhelming. But even one different thing can cause a mind shift. So how would that benefit our listeners?

Yeah, I'm thinking of a client lately where she just started meditating. Like you said, meditation can be a lot of things and it's not the one and only mindfulness practice, but she's a go goer. She's a third grade teacher, she's a busy body. She loves, she's very giggly and uplifting and I love her. But she feels inner chaos. And so as she has now told me, she meditated just a few times a week for a few weeks. She feels calmer. She feels like she can enjoy slowing down more. And I think that people aren't maybe ready to admit that this is what happens. But I believe what happens is that people come home to themselves. There's this place inside of us again that really is ease, that is a slower pace, that is peace, that is judgment free and it takes for some people a lot of shedding to get there. But these mindfulness practices however, practice for however long, I think give us little.

Taste, just even a little bit at.

A time of our true selves. And again, I don't think that a lot of people right now are walking down the street saying that's a goal that they want is to return to their true selves. But I think once they feel that, whether they call it calm or peace or whatever, but that's really what's happening. And so I think the benefit of that is then they feel more on purpose every day. They feel less chaotic. They feel less like they have to scramble and hustle and go and try to get the next material thing to prove to somebody that they're a somebody. And that gets very exhausting. And there's a reason why we're like the sickest nation in the world because of stress. So I just think again, zooming out like fly on the wall looking down at even just our culture here if you're in the US listening and I know other countries have their things, but all the things have changed in the last few years. I think we still are very hustle driven and can see it in all the quote unquote successful people. So I think for anyone listening to understand that that's not really what life is all about. And even if it is, what's through that there's another layer when there's something that people are aiming for, striving for. And I think that that thing can actually be found through simple mindfulness practices. Oh, if I get the next payday I'm going to get a new car and that's going to be happy. Well, guess what? Mindfulness can actually get you that happiness right now. We could name things all day and all of it I think is actually just right there. It's ready for us to just slow down, pause, breathe, receive all the things. So really mindfulness can get you there. And this straight other answer is just less stress and do a quick online search on stress and what it does to the body mind. And it's the root of basically every disease. So unless you want to end up in a hospital bed or sick, I think it's very important to include mindfulness meditation moments through the day, smelling the roses, what have you. Because at some point, even if it's okay now to do things the way you're doing them, I've seen it again and again. I think we all have that at some point it catches up to you. So not to generalize, but I think in a way we can too, because we've seen it enough throughout decades of health related everything. And I believe health is wealth like period. So if you want to be the wealthiest human on the planet, be mindful and take care of your health and mind, body, soul.

So this slowing down was mentioned to me by a colleague when I was really overwhelmed. It was when I was supposed to be logging into a dream builder workshop, actually. And she talked to me about slowing down my nervous system. Nobody had ever mentioned that to me. I mean, people are always telling me to slow down, but the more specific about the nervous system, she gave me some ideas about how to do that and one of them was just slowing down my speech, speaking slower and slowing down my movement when I'm walking somewhere, just slowing that down. And I shared that with a client of mine a few months ago. And he came back the next week and he had that job where he worked for a brewery, and he was always hustling into accounts and setting up stocking the shelves and on a tight schedule. And he had a whole bunch of personal stuff going on that made it hard to focus. And he said he would sit in his car and do a minute of relaxation breathing and then he would purposely walk slowly into the building and more slowly back to his work space. And that in itself helped him start feeling calmer. And so that leads into my next question, which is, if we were to suggest to our listeners something, a step they get to take to start developing their mindfulness practice, what are a couple of steps you would suggest to our listeners if they want to take what we're talking about to heart and work on developing their own mindfulness practice?

Yes. I love this question and the lineages I study. And I do want to mention I noticed your cadence earlier and the impact it was having on my nervous system and I really appreciated it because I could feel that and our nervous systems communicate. And I think that's so beautiful, too, what you said you shared with your client. And for him to now move through the world that way and know that that's how we help each other, that's how we walk each other home, too. So my guess is that then his nervous system speaks to others, and that's how we co regulate and things. So I did notice that in you earlier, and I just wanted to just give you a thank you to that, because I did feel it, and I think it's very impactful, and it's something so simple. It might take a little training, it might take some practice to speak slower or to move slower. But just like anything, we get there just through practice and repetition, and gradually that new cadence will feel more regular, whether it's walking or speaking or doing things anyway. I felt that. And I think that's a very powerful tool just there to answer the question, too, of slowing down, doing whatever you're doing just a little bit slower. I think that's the rhythm of life is slow now. It's also fast. And I do love a good sprint. I do love a good cycle workout. I do love in the moments when we can go, I do like to go, but most of the time I'm slow. And there's other reasons to go fast, but I think it's important to really just feel that slowdown inside. And so leading to thinking of things that you enjoy, I think is one of the best introductions for people to if they're like I don't okay, Mindfulness, what is this? Because in so much of life, we get taken away from just the simple pleasures and the meditation and even the yoga that I study it's more from if we travel back thousands of years, there's several different schools of thought around it or ways to do these sorts of things. And to put it very commonly, there's either classical, which is a little more structured, and then a word that some people have heard, tantric, which tantric really means woven, and to be woven with life. And so either it's a classical practice that's a little more rigid in a good way, just some different sort of boundaries and things, or tantric, which is more flowy. And within this Tantric lineage that I've studied a little more than the classical the idea that life is a gift versus life is a problem sometimes people's mindsets and you might think of people that you know, it's like, oh, yeah, that person looks at the world as it's a problem to be solved. And the other person, you might think of the life's a gift. I'm going to move through this life like it's a gift. So we can then funnel down anything that we do. And it's generalizing again, but either in a classical or a tantric way. And so when I come at mindfulness from this tantric approach, it's back to pleasure, it's back to. Being engaged with life, looking for the beauty in life. It doesn't mean it doesn't come with the dips and the lows and the sorrows and the things. But also life is both. Life is we have the highs and lows. So in terms of day to day mindfulness, I think looking for the good stuff is a great way to start scan through your day and just name one little thing you're like. I love that about my day. I love my morning coffee. That's where I start. I love my morning coffee. I'm just going to be with that a little bit longer than I would normally let myself. I'm going to take the time, I literally open the bag probably every day and I smell the coffee first and then I grind it and then I put it in the coffee maker. So it's like, look for the things in your day. And this is an invitation right now to anyone listening of what's something that you enjoy in your days. For some people might be time with a pet or a kid or a conversation with a friend or maybe it's a practice that they currently have. Maybe they love when they can just curl up that first foot in the covers thing. It could be anything that lasts for even just 1 second. But starting to notice these moments that are always there and there's probably some pleasure and joy tucked into a lot of them. But if we're not used to highlighting the pleasure and the joy and the feel good things, it's easy to overlook them too. Because again, our brain back to the beginning of the conversation is looking for things that are going to be dangerous or threaten us. So the brain is wired that way. We have to step into a practice that's encouraging us to look for the sweetness in life and that is life, just as is the threat and the danger. But most of us don't need to worry about being chased by tigers and bears. So it's like back to what other thing? Why are we distracting ourselves from joy and pleasure? So it's a long winded answer to just really looking at the sweetness in life and letting that become something that you're with a little bit longer, just an extra minute when you smell that coffee, a few extra breaths of just being with your pet before you walk out the door or what have you. We could list millions of things, I.

Would guess, but another word for that is savoring. Extending that moment, savoring it. And in that book, The Mindfulness Toolbox by Donald Altman, there's actually some exercises that walk you through doing just that, savoring the moment. And now we're kind of talking about the present moment, what we can do in the present moment to be mindful. And so many of us, it seems like our whole journey is to find happiness. So we're always looking for it. And what if it's right there in the present moment? So I'm a widow. My husband passed away from lung cancer almost seven years ago, and I lost my happiness, and I really feel like I lost my center. And so I finally decided I'm going to make a list of things that used to make me happy, and that might be a step you can take. And then I went about adding some of those things back into my life. So I bought myself an auto carp, which I had when I was a kid, and I'm teaching myself to play it again. And I'm singing because I love to sing, and probably I love that more than playing the auto harp, but it's something I'm doing with my hands and my mouth, my body and my mind. And then dogs always make me happy and they always come to me and they like me, and I love that. And so recently I purchased a home and I got a roommate, so I have a companion in my home now and I have my dog. And I laugh every day. There's so much laughter, and it's just been wonderful. So another thing you could do is think about, is there something that makes me happy? Can I find ways to incorporate it into my everyday life? Even just sitting in the sun and feeling it on your skin, the warmth on your skin, and savoring that moment. So another way to maybe get yourself in the present moment that I've learned about is actually setting your intention for the day. When you get up, think about, how do I want to show up? What do I want to feel today? How do I want to go through my day? And you set the stage for yourself, and then you start working on showing up that way. And I find that also very helpful. So do you have any more thoughts that you want to share right now? Or could you possibly walk us through a meditation or an exercise that would demonstrate what we're talking about to our listeners?

Yeah, absolutely. And as you were sharing on the word intention, I remember, I don't know, years ago I taught a yoga class, and I always like coming up with themes, and one day the theme was intention, not to set one, but to understand the word. And I looked up the definition, and I'm a definition person. If I'm curious about a word, that kind of catches my attention, I'm like, I wonder what that actual definition is. And I also have an English degree, so I think it goes into just my I like words, I like writing and everything. But intention, it can be an aim or a plan or as a lot of people use the word, but another definition is the healing process of a wound. And I remember when I looked that up, I was like, wow, there's again, back to feeling and embodying, like, what does setting an intention feel like? And knowing that in one way, using the word, there's actually this energy of healing a wound. And I think, although this conversation isn't about healing so much in the kind of subconscious layer of this conversation, it is because life wants to heal you. Life wants to heal all of us. And the energies of life want to bring us back to that state that is through all of the mess of life, ease, peace, joy. And so to get to healing through these mindfulness practices, I think is also, I don't want to say a side effect, it's kind of the whole effect, but I don't, again, think people are thinking of healing themselves when they add mindfulness practices to their day. They just think it'll help them feel less stressed and more present or what have you. But it's actually this beautiful healing modality as well that's going to help heal emotional and energetic wounds, all of that inside of us. So meditation, mindfulness, I'd love to go into a practice. Would you like me to do that now?

Yes, I would. Let's just move into that.

Wonderful. Yeah. And the word savor is so yummy to hear. And the practice I had in mind is one that you, in a way, described in this. So maybe your answer would be the time with the puppies and just that laughter that you feel, or to anyone listening, thinking I loosely asked this earlier, but thinking of a moment right now, a specific one, in your days, it doesn't need to be today, but what's something that you love to be with? What's something that makes you laugh? What's something that brings you joy? As my teacher says, if it were a balm, what would you rub all over your skin? If it were an elixir, what would you just want to drink in? And connecting with something that stands out of something that you love. So, Darian, do you have something that comes to mind? Maybe it's the doggy time. Is there anything else that you love so much? It could be anything in the whole universe.

I'm going to say sunshine. The dog is really up there, but sunshine is sunshine. Yeah.

And you mentioned earlier, we were saying, like feeling it on the skin. What's your favorite part about sunshine?

Feeling it on my skin, being in the warmth of it. And it just makes me feel happy. I love that feeling of joy when I sit in the sun intentionally and savor it.

Yes. And so I just made you like, the example and that was beautiful. And so for the listeners, too, even just I'm asking you now, what's the thing? And just be with that for a moment, just like Darian just did. I love feeling. Take it to that next step. How does it make you feel? What do you love about it? You can paint the picture, too. Is it where you're outside are there other things that come in? Maybe when you're outside feeling the sunshine, you're also noticing the coolness of the breeze. Maybe there's a smell in the air and it could be a certain time of year. It's starting to paint this picture of what else? Layers on maybe a thought, another example. A lot of people I've talked to, it's like, I love running or I love doing these physical activities. That's great. Imagine them in your mind right now without needing to go do the thing. Right now, we're inside the sunshine. Maybe it'll come through a window, but that's a little different than the experience you described, Arian. So it's like, okay, now feel that. Feel that in your body. Feel that in your mind. Realize you can recreate via that intelligence in your body. Any memory, anything that you know, even if you haven't been. I've never been to Tahiti, but sometimes I love to picture those little huts on the water. It's like you don't need to have even been or have actually known these things. I don't have a dog right now, but I sure do love watching dogs on Instagram. It's like, I could picture one of those dogs in my mind right now and just know that joy that comes with that little video I watched. So I'll just take a moment to be quiet and just feeling that for yourself. From one. Be with the sunshine, feel it in your cells. Be with the thing that you love so much. And take a few breaths. Notice your skin opening up, noticing your body a little more here and present. And when you bring in these ideas of these things that you love so much, that bring you joy, that light you up, that make you feel good, that you love, name them out loud if you need to. Just say it and repeat it and get to that point where it becomes less a thing in your head and more of a feeling in your body. Feeling how this was just a couple minutes. Even the time of me being quiet, there was maybe not even a minute. But as you feel this moment, maybe you feel the feet on the ground peek around your space or what have you, and just noticing that you're here, that maybe you just took a little mental trip. And in that moment, you're able to recharge, you're able to reboot your nervous system, you're able to clear out some of that mental movement. Doesn't mean the mind stopped. It actually did a really cool thing for probably a lot of you of, like, imagination using other parts of the brain. Meditation isn't about emptying the mind. It's about just lighting up some other parts of the mind and clearing out some of that buildup. So you can feel again, you can feel some space, can feel that inner slow down. You can feel your nervous system become just a little more regulated and then you move into your day, move on to the next thing. How do you feel, Darian?

Well, this is wonderful. It actually slowed your process. Slowed me down. Calmed me down because as you noticed at the beginning, I was kind of nervous. This is only my second podcast and I wanted to get it all right. I have a tendency to stumble over my words when I'm anxious, and I feel much calmer now. And it occurs to me that we can do these things in the present moment to be mindful, and we can also use imagery, which you mentioned, imagination. If you can't get to a place where you can experience that in the real moment, you can always use imagery and just take a moment of quiet and imagine yourself in that place. What does it feel like when you're there?

What do you hear? Who's there?

What do you love about it? And that can also be grounding and slow down your process and bring you back to the feeling you want to have.

Absolutely. And it really is that simple.

So, Rebecca, tell us where we can find you on the web if we want to hear more of your podcast. And I will tell you that it is in the Show Notes, so you can go back to this podcast and review the Show notes, but let us know where we can find you.

Yes, well, as you mentioned, my Modern Mindfulness podcast is a place where you can listen to more. I call them conversations. Some of them are two sided conversations, some of them are one sided conversations. But there's that. And then my name is Rebecca Rebekkamars and that's my website. So everything that I've got going on is there, whether it's right now I have my meditate in May, I have modern Meditation is a whole other chunk of who I am and some various videos on YouTube. So it's all out there. I tend to put a lot of time into the social media of, like, Instagram, and I've been adding some LinkedIn I'm on all the spots, I think. So wherever you like to hang out, I'm probably there. I do have a newsletter. My Cruise Letter newsletter has been around for like 15 years. It changes a lot, but it's always the Cruise Letter newsletter. So the link, I can provide that to you too, and we can maybe put it down in the Show Notes. It's also on my website, so that's another fun thing where I just share a lot of these sorts of thoughts and insights and whatever is kind of current for me.

Well, thank you so much, Rebecca, for joining me on my show today. It's been such a pleasure. I feel like I met a kindred spirit and I hope we can keep in touch.

Yes, likewise. Darian, I don't know if I knew this was only your second interview and so amazing job, and I feel so honored to be someone you called to reach out to and very much a kindred soul. And I told you we had those Missouri connections. When I listened to your first episode, I was like, oh, okay, there's more to this partner's name.

John.

Yes. Partners named John. So good. Yes, we're soul sisters. No doubt.

And so thank you for joining me, and have fun in the sun.

I love it. Thank you. And, yes, you too. Have fun in the sunny stranger.

Thank you for joining me. Today on get what you need and feel good about it. Remember, when you speak up for yourself, assertively, you will get what you need and feel good about it. You will also be showing respect for yourself and for the other people in your life who are important to you. Until next time, try thinking about it. Like Stephanie lahart says it say what you mean. Mean what you say, but don't say it mean. The only way to do this is to hope. Not me.