Foreign

I'm Darian Slayton Fleming and thank you for joining me on get what

you need and feel good about it.

Do you find it difficult to ask

for what you need?

Do you frequently feel misunderstood? Do you have a problem or cause that you would like to learn to manage more effectively? What makes it so hard for us to tell each other how we feel and how do we speak up for ourselves so we get what we need and feel good about it? How do we do this respectfully so that we honor the needs and feelings of others? Together, we'll explore tips, strategies, and resources that, when used mindfully and consistently, will improve our results and enrich our relationships.

Hello and welcome back to get what you need and feel good about it. Today I am doing something very different from my usual podcast episode. I am doing a group interview and so this will be fun and I hope you glean some helpful tips and insights. And today I am joined by by four people who formed a coaching team called VIP Coaching in the Dark. And usually I give a bio for my speaker. And today I'm going to just introduce each member of the VIP Coaching in the Dark team and ask them to start us off by telling us who they are and what VIP Coaching in the Dark is all about. So welcome everybody.

Hello.

Hello. Hi.

So you heard their voices. Let's start with Marja. Marja, tell us a little bit about you and how you got started with VIP Coaching in the Dark.

Great. Thank you.

Darian. My name is Mara Byers. I live in Salem, Oregon and I live alone and independently. I've been blind, legally blind, three times in my life. This time it is for keeps. I am currently a High partial with 2020 corrected site but less than 10 degrees field. I came to work with this group of people that I am now working as a business team through doing ACB community calls. When the funding for the program that we were doing ended, the one thing that all of us knew was we felt like it was the A team. We can't give this up. We've got something special. We have each other's backs, we work beautifully together and we represent an interesting spectrum of blindness. So that's my point of view is how VIP Coaching in the Dark came into being.

Great.

And just so that people don't get lost in the acronyms, most of us in the blindness community know what ACB means. But the ACB is the American Council of the Blind. It's a national organization with international

members

and interests that provides advocacy and education to people who are blind and for them and also educating the sighted community and partnerships and relationships with businesses and companies that help level the playing field for people who are blind. And so that was great. Starting off. Marja, let's go on to Desiree. Desiree, tell us about you.

So I am weird. And I actually grew up in a blind family, so my grandfather was blind, my mom is blind. I'm halfway there. And one of my daughters was also line. We have something called stickler syndrome, and it affects the connective tissue in the body. And I'm. I'm. I'm the odd duck out in that I am sort of in between high partial and low partial. My. My sight has slowly deteriorated. Once upon a time, when I was younger, I could pass. I had trouble. I wouldn't admit it totally was like, no, I'm fine. I'm fine.

But

these. These days, not so much. So when she says spectrum, I'm an in betweener where sometimes I use a screen reader to access online stuff and my phone and. And sometimes I use my eyeballs. It just depends on the day and how my eyes are feeling or, you know, if I can't access something, I'm definitely known to turn on my screen reader, whether it be on my MacBook, iPad, or iPhone. And as far as how coaching in the dark, it's. I mean, Marcha said it pretty succinctly. You know, I. I think the only thing is VIP stands for Visually Impaired Person. And boy, howdy, did we go around and around with names until we finally came to this one. But, yeah, she said it pretty succinctly. And I think we could also see what a difference we were making in the ACB community. And when the calls were paused for several months in a row, we kept hearing feedback that people really wanted them back and that just. And I think all of us have experienced, witnessed folks who are older who've noticed vision changes, but they're taking on the label of visually impaired blind. It is big and scary. And so we're really hoping to reach those people who have noticed changes in their daily life with the vision that is affecting them. But, you know, those labels that we're all comfortable with, yeah, they're. They're pretty terrified of.

So, yes. And, you know, I always tell my clients a diagnosis is really only useful. I don't like to see it as a label, but it's a guide for how we navigate what we're experiencing. So, Teresa, will you go next?

Sure. So I am Teresa Christian. I'm totally blind, live in Portland, Oregon. I lost My sight when I was 8 and pardon me, raised two kids mostly as a single mom and I had a massage therapy practice. I was a social worker and then I became a life coach. And as the previous two ladies have said, we worked together as a team previously and did. Did very well as a team, but also really saw how our clients were benefiting and so, you know, decided we needed to continue the work with what we were doing and then also expanding a little bit beyond that. And most of our calls right now are on the ACB community calls. We have just started a new one that is on our own zoom line. That's a support call. Support. Yeah, support group call. Geez. I guess that's me in a nutshell. That's it.

Oh, this. This is Desiree again. We forgot to identify mom that.

That.

Yeah, Desiree and I are mother, daughter, team.

Yep.

Right. Yep, A great team. Todd, let's complete this group by hearing from you.

Very good. Well, I'm Todd Fahlstrom, I live in Bozen, Montana. I have X linked retinitis pigmentosa and I am in my 50s. And in 2014 I transitioned from high partial using CCTVs and magnifiers, all that good stuff, to having no vision. And at this point I'm light perception only. I use JAWS on my computer as a screen reader and I have an iPhone. Those are the two technology devices that I use to be able to complete tasks. But I joined this team actually originally it was Marja and I. I am a Durwood K. McDaniel Scholarship recipient through American Council of the Blind. In 2015 and the next year Marja was a recipient, but we teamed up to be on the Derwick McDaniel committee, helping identify leaders for the American Council of Blind in the community. And a couple years ago there was a need and she approached me joining the American Council of the Blind community calls. And so one of the classes that I do teach is daily living skills and called Exploring life skills for Independence. And then I help them out also in other calls. And then on the side note, I am married with two teenagers. And in January of this year I started a training program in Bozeman supporting others locally to help them identify their barriers. But for me it's all about advocacy to giving people a step up, helping them coach. And I'm so blessed to be committed to connecting with Marja, Desiree and Teresa and just helping folks in the community that peer to peer coaching, supporting others and just very grateful, Darian, for bringing us on and thank you.

You are welcome. We have been talking about the American Council of the Blind community calls. And we all know what that is, but there may be listeners who don't. And it is a big part, but only part of what you do. So can you just one of you briefly say a little bit about how community calls got started and what, what kinds of experiences people might find there, including yours and calls which you've talked

about briefly, I'd like to answer that. This is Teresa. And the ACB community calls got started when Covid started happening really quickly.

And

the, the first month there were about 100 calls and now there's over 100, 100 plus calls every week. And you know, obviously what it helped people do during the pandemic is something to do, keep their mind really focused on something positive. But what it also did was bring people together all across the country as well as internationally. We have people calling from Canada, England, Germany, Finland, India, even Australia and more. But those are a few of the countries that come to mind right off the top of my head. And there's, you know, all kinds of calls, from technology calls to group support, calls to engage, even learning language calls, technology, sports, crafting, you name it, it's been on there. They've even taught line dancing there one time. It was fantastic. So that's what the community calls. A little bit of the history and kind of generally what they're like. Do you guys want to add anything to that?

Gosh, it's kind of hard to add anything because the list continues to grow with ACB community calls. So I feel it's worth taking a look. Even sighted people are more than welcome to come onto the calls because it's really about community and building skills and building that support in the community. It's worth checking in every once in a while to see what news popped up.

So tell us a little bit about what VIP Coaching in the Dark does. What kinds of situations are you helping people with? And then if you want to also maybe share a success story or two.

Yeah, so this is Desiree. So what we do is we meet people where they are at, whether they need coaching, whether they need consulting, whether they need peer support. And we offer that in private one on one sessions. We offer that in calls and we are looking to, you know, grow the business. And we'll be branching out in, in various different ways. So if you go to our website, vipcoachinginthedark.com you can find out more. We have an email list and it is a low traffic email list. Two emails get sent out every Week one lets you know what calls are happening and how to join them, and then the other is email announcing what we've posted in our blog that week. You know, so that's another way, you know, we're putting out articles weekly. Anything from anecdotes to tips to, you know, someone's personal story. So in, in, in my case, the we. This week's article was laughter and gratitude and how it helped me cope, didn't fix, but it helped me cope with having two medically fragile daughters and then having them both pass. And again, it didn't fix. It just made it easier to go through the process to find those small moments of joy, to make good memories instead of sitting in grief and in sadness all the time. So that was last week's article we've had. Todd's written an article about bump dots that was fun. And all of us, all of us are contributing. It's not just one writer. It is, it is. All of us contribute to the blog. But yeah, we, we like to meet people where they are at. I had somebody ask me yesterday when I was explaining what we do. They're like, well, okay, so I, I have this going on. What does that look like? And I said, we, we don't have a fixed anything. It really is, we meet you where you're at. What, what do you, what do you need? You as the client get to decide that. You as the person get to tell us. We might help guide you if, if you decide you want resources, very happy to give that. And, and that's kind of what we do. Not kind of.

It is.

It is what we do.

So you do some skills training, you share resources, and you provide the understanding, empathetic support to people. I think whether you are a listener who is blind or a listener who is going through a challenge, some of what you are also going to hear here is how do I get the courage to pursue my dream and get what I need and feel good about it, which is always the underlying topic of any of my episodes. Teresa, I heard you say you had something to share.

Yeah, I just want to point out that we are all living what we're helping people with, what we're discussing. You know, it's not a professional telling you what to do. It's. We have all lived it, are living it. So we're walking alongside our clients.

Well, this is Marcia and I will talk about a person that I had spoken with. I had gotten an email from someone within the Oregon State Commission for the Blind system that they had someone who Was having a really hard time and thought I might be able to help because as Teresa said, we have lived experience. And that's a much different thing than having an orientation and mobility teacher telling you how you should feel about using your white cane and talking to somebody who uses a white cane. And as we talked, they couldn't understand why they had had a panic attack in the middle of it. An orientation and mobility training session. And as we talked, I didn't really say this is how you should feel or I think this is what happened. We just kind of talked and as we talked about different emotions and I spoke a little bit about how I felt when I first started using white cane, how I felt when I went into sleep shade to do white cane training because I do have residual sight. And as we talked they said, oh my gosh, I just figured it out. That to me is coaching at its best when I'm just having conversation with somebody that can be emotionally supporting to them and allow their brain to be able to process enough to get to the point of understanding what was the barrier that they had thrown up to themselves. And once they understood that, had some time to process it and then could go on, that was all over the phone. I happened to meet this person quite a few months later and what I got was a huge hug. And as as far as they are concerned, they think I'm just one of the very best people on the whole face of the planet. And really what it comes down to is we had a conversation, I allowed their mind to go where it needed to go to help them. And it. And it was great. That just makes me so happy. And I know that I made a huge improvement on somebody's life largely by listening.

And I think what's important that peer to peer counseling is we get it, we understand it, and the four of us are at different levels, but we have that lived experience and we've taken people that have given up their hobbies, woodworking, crafts, you name it, and we've encouraged them to give it a try. Encouraged them that here are some resources. And we see the isolation of folks. Covid did us wrong. But that connection to the ACB community calls gave us a network and a ability to influence others in more ways than we know. And when we're resourceful, we provide tips, we provide tricks. These are the things that you can do so you can get to live your life independently again and not be sheltered, not be afraid to try. And those coaching sessions help others understand that life is just a blip in the Road. And we want that pathway to help people understand that you should not be identified by your blindness, but rather as your individual person helping live more of an independent lives with the ability to have hobbies, interests just like anybody else.

So we are people first. We are people with all kinds of interests and skills and desires and dreams. And you help people discover the parts of them that are still vital and real. And there's beauty to that peer to peer support. So how do you decide who works with a participant? How do you assign one of you to a person who has a need?

The client decides, period.

But we as a team, there is a decision process. For example, I had somebody who emailed me personally who has. She knows us from Chat Cafe. She's one of the people who was so grateful that the VIP coaches created their own thing and have stuck around and she was asking me for help using JAWS and using her iPhone. Here's the problem. I'm two sided and I do not use jaws. JAWS is job access with speech or was with sound. There's different opinion on that. It's voiceover for the computer. I don't use it. I'm still using my eyes to navigate. I also, and this is where the spectrum of our team is really important because I am a high partial, I still predominantly navigate my iPhone with my eyes. The person who contacted me has no sight left and she's a JAWS user and she needs to learn how to use her iPhone without sight. I'm not the good. She picked me, she wanted me and it's like I'm not the best fit for you. Fortunately, she had a chance to talk with Todd. Todd's much more appropriate person for her to talk with because his skills match where she's at. Somebody who is a high partial is going to use a phone, an iPhone very differently than someone who's totally blind. So part of it is is the, the client deciding who they want to work with and does that person's skill level. If they're looking for consulting, which is looking for skills help, I don't have the skill sets that she needs.

Todd does and so does my mom, Teresa. She could have done it too. And that's, that's the beauty is there is board than one person. So if she didn't like working with Todd, we've got somebody else that she could try to see if she liked.

So it's really a little bit of a group effort and we're new enough, we don't have a lot of experience. But clearly where that person's Visual level is at a huge difference. If we're talking about skills, who we're going to refer to. If it's somebody who wants to learn about sewing or crafts, Desiree is the person to talk to because she really knows that stuff. And when it comes to people like Todd, he's been fantastic at activities of daily living. Todd's also a builder. Todd also knows a lot about home repair when it comes to life coaching. Teresa is our certified life coach. She also has experience being a blind mom. She was a blind daughter. She was. Has been a blind grandmother. She has more blind experience than as a totally blind person than any of the rest of us. And where I really excel, I'm a certified peer support specialist in the state of Oregon. And what I really excel at most is adjustment. And whether that's being new to blindness or there are many of us who have progressive sight loss. And I know from my own personal experience, when I have had a significant loss in my field of vision, sometimes I'm the one who's looking for somebody to talk to because it's. It's hard. It's a lot to process. And those of us who are parcels that are continuing to lose, we have to keep reprocessing when we hit another loss or discover, wow, big strout buses are getting a little bit challenging and maybe not safe. Maybe I need to have to look at using paratransit, not public transportation so much. Yeah, it's. I'm. It's wonderful to be part of a team that can address such a broad scope of potential questions and challenges.

And I love that not only do we have a wide spectrum and that everybody has like their own specialty, but we have a lot of skills that overlap so that, you know, then pulls in, you know, not just somebody needs a special something, know they're looking for something, but, you know, if they don't find somebody, you know, they can work with, they can, you know, try somebody else, because that does happen. And all of us are attached to good outcomes versus, you know, we have to help that particular client. It's like, no, we want them to be successful. That is more important to us than, you know, whether or not we served them. We also have a couple of us, more or three of us. We have a couple of people that volunteer. But I'm specifically speaking of hail. We know about hearing aids and blindness, so we can address somebody who has either has hearing loss or started to experience hearing loss. You know, everything from just starting out to have has been there like a long time. Because Hayal, she's grown up with that stuff. So she very much knows deafblind community, deafblind culture and has a lot of knowledge and resources, you know, versus my mom and I, we are hearing aid wearers. But compared to hi El, we're still kind of new to the game, you know, so I just, I love that we have the flexibility to work with so many different kinds of people and they don't have to have some sort of qualification to qualify. They don't have to be legally blind yet. They don't have to to have some sort of certification. All they have to do is say like, hey, I am having trouble with my daily life and I'm noticing that probably my vision has something to do with it. So you know that I, I love that about the US that, that we're not restricted not just to location. We can take anybody in the state, anybody in the world, but we don't have restrictions about who can come see us.

Do you all, can you all tell me and our listeners, first of all, if they're interested in the community calls, how do they get hooked up to that? And then tell us how they find you?

Sure. This is Desiree again, if you go to VIP coachinginthedark.com all of that information can be found on that site. Still happy to tell you in, in this podcast, but if you forget, that's where you can go. Find out how to sign up for calls that are on ACB community community calls, how to get on the email list. If you just want not want to sign up for anything, just read the blog, just check us out. All, all of it's there

and it

will also be in the show notes when this podcast publishes. Do you have any parting words for our people who are listening, any encouragement?

We, we will leave you with a quote. It is the quote that I started using, using a couple of years after I became blind this time. And at the end of my email it says just when the caterpillar thought her world was over, she became a butterfly. And what it really has represented to me was I feel that I have accomplished more, gained more as a blind person than I ever did as a sighted person. But I honestly spent about a year and a half in a cocoon until I found that blind community. That's what spread my wings. That's what helped me become the butterfly that I believe that I've been intended to be my whole life. And I'm finally here, so it's possible.

That is so beautiful. And I think we've heard similar stories throughout the various episodes that I have published. And I want to thank each of you for showing up for this and for me. And I really do appreciate this. I hope you all get some helpful insights from listening and thank you.

Thank you for having us.

Thank you.

We appreciate it.

Join us in March for the next episode of get what you need and feel good about it. And take care.

Thank you for joining me today on get what you need and feel good about it. Remember, when you when you speak up for yourself assertively, you will get what you need and feel good about it. You will also be showing respect for yourself and for the other people in your life who are important to you. Until next time, try thinking about it

like Stephanie Lahart says it

say what

you mean, mean what you say, but

don't say say it means before it gets too late.

And the only way to do this is with hope not. Yes, the only way to do this is with hope not hate.