S2E19 - Whole Happy

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I'm Darian Slayton Fleming and thank you for joining me on get what you need and feel good about it. Do you find it difficult to ask.

For what you need?

Do you frequently feel misunderstood? Do you have a problem or cause that you would like to learn to manage more effectively? What makes it so hard for us to tell each other how we feel and how do we speak up for ourselves so we get what we need and feel good about it? How do we do this respectfully so that we honor the needs and feelings of others? Together, we'll explore tips, strategies and resources that when used mindfully and consistently, will improve our results and enrich our relationships.

Hello and welcome back to GET what you need and feel good about it. I am excited to be meeting again with Amber Needham. We met Amber in the episode called Happiness is a Choice. I met Amber in the certified happiness trainer community. It's so good to have you back, Amber.

Thank you so much, Darian. It's awesome to be here.

Just to remind our listeners, Amber is a certified happiness trainer, an energy healer, a content creator, a reiki master, a public speaker, and best selling author of the Blind Girl Sees. You have a lot going on, Amber.

Yes, I do. And that sounded tiring but.

Well, it seems like those of us who are in this community are always working on something so we can spread happiness around this world.

Absolutely.

Let's begin by having you tell us a little bit about yourself, what we didn't talk about in that little introduction and what led you to becoming a certified happiness trainer.

I am a single middle aged soloprener actually living in Ontario, Canada. I absolutely love what I do as a content creator, author and, and all the things that you said and actually soon to be another puppy mom and I'm super excited about that.

Did you find a puppy?

I, well, it's a surrender. So I, I am now involved in a rescue community and they surrendered a beautiful little thing that was really malnourished and in a bad way. And yeah, so he's, his name is Marco and not quite sure of his breed but oh my gosh, is he darn cute. And he's got me wrapped right around his paw already. He's making leaps and bounds with his progress. He's adjusted beautifully. He's gaining weight because he was severely underweight and, and yeah, he's, he's a perfect little guy. I think the people that end up with him, if it's not me, will be extremely happy with him and blessed because he's such a good dog. But yeah, that's me as a soon to be puppy mom. And my biggest passions come from being creative. Serving my spiritual community is very important to me and creating amazing experiences with friends and family. You know, these things are more important to me than ever before. And you know what, I get jazzed when I can inspire people to, to live happier lives through, you know, my many speaking engagements and course material. And so. And then you said, you know, what led me to become a happiness trainer? Well, while life is pretty wonderful right now, I will be honest to say that it was a bit tough in my earlier years. You know, like many people, I was an individual who, well, I went searching for happiness in all of the external places. And you know what? I could never quite get a pulse of true, lasting happiness in my heart. You know, I would certainly be happy for a time, just like with most people, but it was fleeting. It was never consistent. I, I knew, I knew there was more because just as often as I was experiencing being happy, there were just as many times when I felt the complete opposite. And you know what, that went on for years. And it didn't matter how successful I was and how many friends I had, it just, it, it didn't quite matter. And then when I turned 50, I lost my sight. And for a time, as you can well imagine, I hit rock bottom. And through a series of coincidences, I ended up finding this online program that, you know, we're both aware of and how we met. And that was through Happiness for no Reason with Marcy schaimoff. I was 59 at that time and I lost my sight when I was 50. So, you know, time had passed and I had, you know, completely adjusted to my life with low vision and was, you know, I was just, was really extremely intrigued of the concept of actually being happy for no reason. So this, of course, is how, you know, we met and, and as two vision impaired individuals in this program, I remember, you know, bonding with you so quickly and, and because we helped each other navigate as this program obviously was, you know, primarily designed for the sighted. The thing that really got me was, you know, the seven pillars, how she broke it down and, and so distinctly. The seven pillars of being Happy for no Reason led me, you know, as I developed, you know, just going deeper. And this is how I discovered the holistic approach to happiness and remembering that everything is created and connected. So anyway, Today, here I'm 62, I'm a certified happiness trainer, and you know, I just deeply desire to share what true lasting happiness is and how to Help people cultivate it. As a result of my journey, I can honestly say I really do have that inner peace and the well being that I was constantly searching for in all of my external circumstances. And it was, what I've come to realize is it was always right where I was. It was within me.

In fact, the definition of happy for no reason is a state of inner peace and well being that is not shaken by our circumstances. And so it's inside us. In fact, the title of Marci Schaimoff's book is Happy for no Reason. Seven Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out. And, and what I hear you saying is we're often looking for our completion in external sources, but you discovered that it's right there within you. So why do you think so many people struggle to stay happy? Because you said you were happy sometimes and, and often as many times as you were happy, were unhappy. So why do so many people struggle with being happy even when it appears that their lives are really good?

To answer that, because they're trying to fill an innie, like an inner emptiness with outer experiences. You know, they, they believe that happiness comes from external comforts and pleasures and experiences like you and I, especially me. You know, the problem with that is it's never consistent, it's never sustainable. You know, we all may be happy for a while when we acquire things that support a great life, but if their nervous system is in constant fight or flight, freeze. Their beliefs still whisper that, you know, they aren't good enough or they're flawed in some way and their souls still longs for, you know, meaning and purpose. Authentic happiness is. Well, it's impossible for them. When happiness is approached holistically and as we've been taught through the seven Pillars, you know, through the body, the mind and the soul, as I've really come to zero in on, then happiness just, it just becomes natural.

Yes. In fact, I often say about the Seven Pillars that it's a metaphor to illustrate for us which parts of our whole system, because we are human beings are whole systems. And each human being has systems within systems. Like our digestive system is a system, our, our cardiovascular system is a system. We are a body, a mind, a heart, a soul. And we start with a solid foundation because the seven Pillars are described as our inner home for happiness. So we have to start with the solid foundation. So understanding the metaphor and how it's all laid out helps us understand which parts of us we want to shore up. We want to address any gaps that leave us feeling internally lacking we can use the metaphor and say, okay, I think I need to work on becoming comfortable feeling safe in my body, for example. And I read something recently that really stood out for me. It said, your nervous system is not your enemy. And in fact, through discovering this work, I have realized that something else I've read was you can't think your body safe. We are a mind and we can learn to reframe our thoughts and embrace the truth that is ours now. It doesn't necessarily have to be the truth that we grew up believing because we have evolved in our development and so we cannot think our body safe. That's why this happiness work is so amazing too, because it provides us with exercises that we can do to feel safe in our bodies and to bring about balance between our minds, bodies and emotions. So I invited you here today to talk about what you are doing currently in your happiness journey. And I understand you have a course that you are calling Whole Happy. What does it mean to be whole happy?

Being whole happy is about feeling good from the inside as it radiates outward. It's by aligning the health of the body, the mind and the soul holistically. It's not about trying or desiring to be happy. It's about creating a foundation for deep peace and well being that doesn't crumble when life gets hard. When you are authentically whole happy, you don't just have moments of joy from our external circumstances or experiences, you actually are happy. You become peace and joy. And that's really what my course is about, is taking people through the all three components which makes it whole and complete. And there's a lot of things that people can do that enhance that whole happiness. And it, it's not about, you know, working, working the body hard in exercise. It's really about understanding the body's communication style, how our body communicates and then learn to love and honor it and respond to its requests and our thoughts and our emotions, you know, we are more than just our thoughts and emotions, you know, and we can't achieve being happy by just the mind alone and then the soul, you know, we're all connected, you know, and connected to source, however you want to call that. And when we realize that and we make honor that connection, then like I said before, happiness being happy just comes darn easy. And it has nothing to do with the outside circumstances that we all experience, whether that be good or bad. So yeah, that's Whole Happy. It's a, it's an extensive six week program and we go pretty deep for example, if you're holding regrets or negative beliefs and you need to focus on forgiving and releasing, if, if people don't do that, then how, how can they expect to allow this inner peace to bubble up? You know, so again, we go quite deep in all three components.

In fact, it seems like in my work as a therapist, when people come to me with anxiety and depression and they are always trying to figure out how do I get rid of this, how do I get away from this. And in fact, what I am discovering is trying to avoid it and get away from it is not the solution. Those feelings of discomfort and anxiety are actually signals telling us, take care of me, find a way to take care of me. And when we use our tools, which you and I have learned and you're going to be exploring with your students in your whole happy course, you actually address those things and take care of those feelings. And as a result you find more internal peace. So what makes your course whole happy different from other self development courses?

That's a really good question. And how I can answer that is, is most courses primarily focus in, you know, just on one area, which is generally mindset or motivation. And these are both super great and absolutely necessary. However, it's not complete. The, the missing piece to that is that like I said, happiness cannot be achieved by just the mind alone. In my course Whole Happy, we focus on working with our body's biology, the mind's conditioning and the soul's wisdom all together. The, the participants will understand that how well they support their bodies affects how their body responds. Like just what you just said to, you know, health challenges and, and other such things. And regarding the mind, we take a deep dive into looking at belief systems and challenging the authenticity of them with what I call belief audits. Regarding our soul, we go deep to understanding the energy centers of the body and where they're is blockages in those energy channels and the meridians as we call them in, in the energy healing world that needs to be opened and released. So by approaching happiness holistically rather than just one path again, we just naturally become happier, which is really what whole happy is all about. That's what makes us different.

You've been answering this next question as we go, but can you tell us anything more about what people will experience when they take your whole happy course? And can you give us a snippet of what you will cover in this transformational course?

Well, like I said in the course, it is a six week program and each week we explore each of the three Body, mind and soul. And some of the things that people are going to experience is they're going to gain a deeper understanding of how their body, their mind and the soul and energy are interconnected and how aligning them creates true, authentic, lasting happiness. You know, we'll, we'll, we start off with the body and you know, we learn about gut health and the nervous system and about the vagus nerve and its role that plays in our body and how it directly affects our moods, our energy and our emotional well being. We discover about inflammation and nutrient absorption and a little bit about the microbiome balance and how that affects our physical vitality and our inner peace. When we move into the modules of the mind, we're recognizing the power of beliefs and how they absolutely shape our identity, our emotions and everyday choices, our reality essentially. And it's about breaking free from limited thought patterns and learning how to rewire the brain for joy and empowerment and possibility. And then, you know, regarding the soul, as we move further into the course, exploring the soul's truth and reconnecting with a deeper sense of purpose and meaning and, and spiritual support, Understanding how the energy within and all around us affects our emotional balance, our clarity and our, our sense of wholeness. We will go into deep exploration of the chakra centers or the chakra system to identify energetic blocks and how they got there and what you can do to move that stagnant energy. And throughout, learning practical tools and rituals like breath work and movement and reflection and mindfulness to support our everyday peace and well being. Exploring more presence and gratitude and joy, taking it from just a daily checklist and adding to it deep reflective appreciation moment by moment. And it's shifting away from, you know, past regrets and future worries and getting back to the present moment and living into the power of the only moment that ever exists. And that's like right now. Oh, there's so much I, you know, my brain is just like, okay, what else?

Well, let's move on to the next question then because maybe you'll get there.

Yeah, yeah.

If someone who is listening right now is feeling stuck and unhappy, what do you offer them that in this moment that can help them get moving towards peace and joy?

One of the things is when somebody becomes stuck, the first thing is listen and understand where that stuck state is coming from. And like you said earlier, it's feeling it, going through it, not around it. And once you address and move through it, then the result of that is a deep sense of self. So when somebody is getting stuck, my biggest thing is first and foremost, stop, breathe, take a moment, connect to the present moment. As your thoughts are probably racing in this stuck fight flight freeze state is just look down, see that your feet are grounded, look around you and pick out what's beautiful, kind and nourishing. And then as you breathe deep and you realize in this very moment, everything is okay, everything is fine. And when you move from that, then of course the nervous system responds and you can move forward with a much, with clarity of mind. So I think that's the best thing. And then to go deeper into that when you're getting into a stuck state and once you've listened to the body and you understand where it's coming from, then it's finding the tools that suit you and it's different for everybody. The one thing that I, from my own personal experience when I was in my stuck state searching for happiness, I come to realize very quickly that if I wasn't willing to release the negative past and be present in the moment, then it was going to be darn difficult to move forward. And so my practice became about forgiveness, not only of others, but of myself. And by doing that, then I slowly began to see myself in a different light. I started to challenge my beliefs and say, is that true? Is that really true? And when I got, you know, real and raw, most of what I was telling myself was not very liberating. Yes, that says when we go quite a bit deeper. So again, go back to the first part. Just stop, breathe, get present.

You're talking about listening to your inner voice, which is, I believe our inner voice is who we are authentically and truly. Deep inside our inner voice is our soul. And listening to what it tells us we need and taking action on that is what is so liberating that we have the power within ourselves to, to create the life we want to live. We just have to believe that we can. So how can listeners learn more about your whole happy course and sign up.

For it right now? The course isn't until February, so the registration hasn't begun. So to answer that question, if anyone is interested in learning more and getting the details, then I would say just email me and I will reply to you and yeah, and then I'll answer all your questions and then when the registration begins, I will be sure to reply to the individuals with that and yeah, and go from there.

So check the show notes for Amber's contact information so that you can sign up for Whole Happy and start your journey to being whole Happy. Is there a single takeaway that we can Leave our listeners with.

The takeaway that I would offer people is, I think I would have to say that that authentic, true, lasting happiness from a holistic approach, it's a choice. It's a decision that we make and most people chase it from external circumstances. But true happiness isn't something we find or a destination that we're reaching. It's a state of being that comes from within when we align the body, mind and soul all together. So thinking positive and being grateful are absolutely wonderful practices and extremely helpful. But if your body is exhausted, tense, inflamed, and your nervous system is dysregulated and your soul feels no zeal or purpose and is closed down and starving for connection, like I said, it's going to be pretty darn difficult to feel that deep inner peace for any sustainable length of time. So authentic happiness, it just comes from aligning and honoring our bodies, our minds and our souls holistically. So that, that pretty much is my takeaway.

That is so beautiful. And if you want a review of the seven pillars and other elements of this topic that we are revisiting today, Amber and I created an episode a few months ago called Happiness is a Choice. So there is more to come and I would encourage you to be in contact with Amber and sign up for her course. Whole happy. Do you have a quote to leave us with as we close Amber?

I have a couple of them actually. The one that really resonates with me is, and I believe it was by Mark Twain that said this. And it was every cell in our bodies is eavesdropping in on our thoughts. And a dear friend of mine who I adore said to me, every thought is a prayer. So those, those two come to mind right out of the gate. And yeah, I, those I remember frequently because it's, it's. As a visually impaired, low vision individual, it's important that I remember to listen and honor my body's sensory signals and then respond lovingly.

Beautiful. Thank you so much for joining me again today, Amber and all of you out there, check the show notes for more information about what Amber offers. And we will be back again in December. And just, just a highlight since I already know what I'm doing in December, come back because we are going to be talking about codependence and what that dynamic does for us in our lives. That isn't always helpful. We're going to talk about solutions and becoming empowered within ourselves. Thank you for joining us, Amber and everyone. Take care.

Thank you everyone.

Thank you for joining me today on get what you need and feel good about it. Remember, when you speak up for yourself assertively, you will get what you need and feel good about it. You will also be showing respect for yourself and for the other people in your life who are important to you. Until next time, try thinking about it like Stephanie Lahart says it say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it.

Me? Yes. The only way to do this is with Hope, not pa.