S1E6 - An Ingenious Way to Live

I'm Darian Slayton Fleming, and thank you for joining me on Get What You Need and feel good about it. Do you find it difficult to ask for what you need? Do you frequently feel misunderstood? Do you have a problem or cause that you would like to learn to manage more effectively? What makes it so hard for us to tell each other how we feel? And how do we speak up for ourselves so we get what we need and feel good about it? How do we do this respectfully so that we honor the needs and feelings of others? Together we'll explore tips, strategies and resources that when used mindfully and consistently, will improve our results and enrich our relationship.

Hello and welcome back to get what you need and feel good about it. Today we're talking with Georgina Moran, who is the author of hello, and welcome back to Get what you need and feel good about it. Today we're talking with Georgina Moran, who is the author of An Ingenious Way to Live, about her determination to continue her passion for adventure after a disability left her paralyzed from the shoulders down. Her book chronicles how she was inspired to give back to a broader community of adventure seekers. Georgina is the founder of Access Recreation, dedicated to identifying trail information, guidelines and consumer resources for people of all abilities to identify parks and trails that meet their desired experiences. Well, hello and welcome, Georgina, to get what you need and feel good about it. And this is episode number six. And so how are you doing?

I'm doing great, I'm doing great. I'm so happy to be here with you, Darian. It's been a while.

It has been a while, and it's always good to talk to you. You were someone when I worked at Independent Living Resources with you that always was positive and had solutions, and I'm really excited to share your story. In my opening, I let our listeners know that you're the author of a.

Book called An Ingenious Way to Live.

And I'm wondering what prompted you to write this story?

First of all, I can't take credit even for the title. I took a quote by Neil Marcus. He's a playwright and an author living with a disability. And when he would speak to people, he would say, disability is not a brave struggle or courage in the face of adversity. Disability is an art, an ingenious way to live. So I snatched that. I began writing as a way to get nagging thoughts out of my head, to resolve some guilty feelings that just haunted me at night, that kept me up at night, that maybe I'd done something that was just unforgivable to friends and family. So I wrote one little paragraph, a little bit of a story, and it helped. But it helped me be able to rewrite the narrative that I had around different moments in my life. It reminded me of my resilient and powerful being that I am, that I'd overcome great ODS to keep my dreams and spirit of adventure alive. And it was basically a kind of therapy, and the result was my self image improved and I was able to have a greater peace of mind in general. It was meant just to be for me.

That is so awesome. And I actually am going to be interviewing somebody else who said the same thing. And really, I think that a lot of us start to write our story to help explain how we got to be where we are and resolve some of the issues that we experienced along the way. And there's actually a therapeutic technique called narrative therapy that I've been studying, and it's all about rewriting the story. For example, we often get stuck in the negative thinking cycle and we only think about the things that went wrong and the things we regret and the things that we feel like people did to us or didn't do for us. And in narrative therapy, we are encouraged to look for what went right. What did I learn? Where am I now? And it totally inverts the negative experience into a positive frame of mind, which we then can build on and look for our strength. So I'm really glad you mentioned that.

Yeah, that's totally what it did for me. It completely rewrote the narrative. I can't look at the situations as I did, and you're right, those are the things that float to the top. I couldn't even remember all the good things that I did. All I remembered and what kept me up at Know were the things that I considered bad or things I wasn't proud of. It's crazy, right?

And Georgina, this question wasn't on my list, but I am curious. You have a disability, but that disability wasn't with you until later in life, right? When did it start? Even though you may have started out not having a disability, you're still a whole human being and got shaped by some of your experiences before the major disability experience happened. And then did you find that that just kind of intensified your feelings about your so? That's a couple of questions.

Prior to the age of 40, I was an outrigger canoe racer. I was a self employed cabinet maker. I was extremely athletic. And at 40, I got diagnosed with Ms. So at that stage, I had a little bit of numbness, my hands and feet, I'd trip a little bit, drop my paddle mid stroke when I was racing the kayak or the outrigger canoe. As time went on, it became apparent that I had primary progressive multiple sclerosis. So this condition started out with me using a cane, just not being able to walk steadily at Independent Living Resources for a long time. I used to call it wall surfing. I'd put my hand on the wall and that would see me so that I could walk so then at about 43, I started using a Power chair because I couldn't walk fast enough to do everything I wanted to do. Things still just slowly progressed until I'm at where I'm at today. I'm virtually a rag doll below my shoulders. I've got no feeling. I've got no ability to move even a finger, to touch a key on a keyboard. All I've got, I use a Power Chair with a chin drive. At this point, I could navigate that way, but yeah. So there was a steep learning curve to get to this point. I can go into more detail, but let's just suffice that it's been quite the journey to get to where I am today and to still be diligent about following my passion, just finding new ways to do it. I've had to be creative, super creative, very ingenious in order to do what I do. And I do all kinds of things. I've got a motorized float that runs with a chin drive, and I could turn left or right because I've got two motors. One goes forward, one goes back. I go play up in Canada in the ocean with my friends. It's like, you just got to be a little more creative.

Oh, my gosh. How do you play in the ocean?

What happens is I drive my Power chair up to the float. This fisherman's float, my friends, it's a group effort, let me tell you. My friends lift me, put me into the float, and then they carry me on a sheet down, like, a rocky slope into the ocean. They all have wetsuits on. They drop me off, hook me up, and I'm off. And then they all come in with their canoes and their paddle boards and all that kind of stuff, and we just play.

Oh, that sounds so wonderful. I would like to try something like that.

Oh, my gosh. It's fantastic.

Oh, that is so wonderful. Jogina so along your path, then, as you've been finding solutions and continuing to be determined to do what you love, have people discouraged you and tried to talk you out of not pursuing those enjoyments? And how did you handle that and how did it turn out?

I can say basically, as a young child, I never really followed the status quo, much to my parents chagrin, I wasn't a good Catholic girl. I also had a choice of careers and reckless pursuits of adventure. My mom especially used to say to me, incessantly, when are you going to get a real job? I was a self employed cabinet maker, traveling the world, doing these excursions, being I could take off at a moment's notice, I handled it by moving to a different state, never talking about my activities and achievements with my mom. My friends were my support, not only by encouraging me, praising my efforts, but they really believed in my talents, and they were the first to hire me to build kitchens to build their decks and fences. And I did it all just single handedly. I never got any help because I also felt somewhat like an imposter, illegitimate, because I've never gotten trained to do what I'm doing. But that left me a little isolated. I lived under the radar, which didn't do my self esteem or feeling of self worth well that much. It felt like I maybe didn't fit in with the greater establishment of professional woodworkers. I overcame all that. I had embraced my talents, my business thrived as well as my self esteem. So I think time hiding, occasionally not saying the complete truth to my mother, but eventually she came around. I mean, it wasn't until she was like 85, but that's cool.

Well, I think that as we grow up, if we're lucky, we learn that we can pick and choose who we hang around with, who we tell what, who we do what with, and whether we have disabilities or not. This is a good skill to learn because otherwise we will remain in the negative thinking pattern. And so I know that I have done the same thing as an adult. I learned not to tell my parents certain things, not because they didn't love me, but because I wanted to hold on to my view of myself and how I was trying to show up. So that's kind of a natural part of evolving as people, I think. And it really requires people like you and me who have experienced a lot of adversity where people are legitimately concerned about us, but what they really want is the best for us. And so as we continue to evolve and become happy ourselves and authentic about ourselves, people do come around. The people that matter do come around.

Yeah, I've got four older sisters, and the second oldest would always wag her finger over the phone at me, just saying, what were you thinking? To go out in a kayak late at night in a storm? And I just tell her time and again, jeannie, I'm living my best life. I am thriving. She's totally come around. She's read the memoir. She didn't know anything about my life, as the rest of my sisters didn't either. And she's like but yeah, she embraces it now. It's like, yeah, we're all unique.

And that's so awesome because you're at a point now where you can celebrate and say, I'm doing what I want to do. I'm sure there are some struggles, though, and it brings us to my next question, which is, can you tell us about a time when you wanted to give up and thought that maybe you were taking on too much? And how did you handle that?

Yeah, one time totally comes to mind. Back in 2017, I had a urinary tract infection that passed the blood barrier into my brain, causing what they call encephalopathy, and it caused me to be to completely malfunction. I was admitted to the hospital. Then I went into rehab. And during that time my disability increased tremendously. I lost control of my hands. Any independence that I had. I started not believing in myself, not feeling like I could continue any of the projects that I'd been doing. That's when the nightmares started happening and that maybe through my actions I deserve what is happening. So what happened, how I handled this was just happenstance. I mean I was listening to an uplifting message from the Unity of Portland. It's like a spiritual center here in Portland. And I heard the ministers talk about a book called Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping. And I went through this process and at the end I was willing to consider forgiving myself and that was it. That kind of broke the cycle. Just that know. And then that Portland had a class on the book the Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. And I took that class and it was all about tapping into your creativity. And I was doing some writing at that time, some dark writing and all of it's in the book. And the participants, the students challenged each other and they challenged me to write more. They said they kept me accountable. It's like once a week, send us something. So I did that for a few weeks and then became very apparent I didn't need help anymore. And that ended up turning into this book. I felt like I was not capable of doing this project that I founded, access Recreation. This ad hoc committee was composed of federal, state and city, park and rec agencies. And we are trying to figure out how to bring better information on trails that weren't fully accessible so that people could decide for themselves if something might be usable. A backcountry trail for example. We did it. We figured out how to do it. We developed a document for agencies called the Guidelines for Providing Trail information to People with disabilities. And then from there we created Accesstrails.org and that's profiling 36 trails in the Portland Vancouver region. This is all based on the guideline principles. So we did all of this work. It's very useful. It was really great. And I felt like there is no way that I could even speak to this work anymore. I'm done. So during this time after these books, I decided, okay, I'm going to try one thing. First of all, I should say that when I was in rehab I met this guy who used something called Eyegates and he was like in bed wrapped up, he could only move his head and he could manipulate a computer with his eye. So I knew that when I got out I was going to look into that and that's what I got. And so even though I was able to use my computer now, I still felt like I couldn't do anything with Access Recreation. So what I ended up doing, I thought, okay, I'm just going to try to design a website. So I designed a website access for all LLC. Started a new business. I thought, well, not that I was going to do anything with it. And then I took one other little baby step. I contacted the partners, the federal, state, and city partners, and said, hey, just seeing who's in the position of the last representative. Are you aware of access recreation? Blah, blah, blah, that snowballed. All of a sudden, people wanted consultation, started developing trainings on the guideline principles, started a cooperative agreement with the Fish and Wildlife Service. They want to make Their Refuges the premier site that applied the Guideline Principles on the sites and online. And then The New York Times reached out to me, and they wanted to be part of an article about Access recreation. So it's just like these little baby steps turned in. It just moved the needle, and then the needle just started spinning by itself because I certainly wasn't trying I was just trying to regain my sanity. And this is what happened.

Well, I heard a couple of really, well, lots of cool things in what you just said. But one thing that keeps coming up in every episode is how those of us who have been on this journey of personal growth and continuing to do what we love, one of the things we figure out is if we start with one thing, a baby step, it begins the process. And I think what happened was you decided to be open to rebuilding, but you didn't look at the big picture like, oh, I can't do this because it's too big. You started with one thing and you found out, wow, I can do this, and look what happened. The New York Times reached out to you. So when we open ourselves to possibilities and we decide we're going to take one baby step, look what happens.

Yeah. Beyond my imagination.

Yeah. So I subscribe to this technique that I learned in my undergraduate days called Bibliotherapy, and it is a process of really reading books about people who have overcome barriers so that they can continue being the people they want to be, the people we are inside, and be able to show that on the outside and overcome barriers. And so we read about other people who are overcoming barriers that we want to overcome. And so what are some takeaways that you might offer to help people remain positive and determined to stay their course?

I think it takes a little self contemplation because life is just full speed, and it throws stuff at you all the time. As the Minister of Unity of Portland says, the universe goes, oh, here, let me help you. Let me provide this stumbling block so that you could learn. So sometimes it's just being kind to yourself. My go to is being in nature. It's where I've got enough space to dream or to be able to let go if necessary. It's where I find peace. And the other thing that I do that helps my state of mind and keeps me positive is expressing kindness to myself and others. It totally brings joy into my life, like finding a new activity or a way to engage in whatever brings me joy. That ends in positivity and satisfaction in my life.

And it makes you want to keep doing more, doesn't it?

It does. It just grows on itself. Like you were talking about the baby steps. You do something and you feel pleasure and it's like, okay, I'm going to do that again. Or here's another way to do it that brings me more pleasure. It's the little things. Like I said, nature. Sometimes it's just going out and watching that crazy white butterfly flicker all around the yard and it's like, oh my God, that's me. I'm just flickering all over. There's something about nature that either resonates or takes you away from something that is challenging. I totally resonate with the gratefulness thing I do. I end my day with kind of a gratefulness meditation and that just puts me right to the good place where I can sleep. And then one thing that just because of my condition, one thing that I'm grateful for, is just having the opportunity to live this human existence and be able to wake up in the morning, because it's not going to last forever. I mean, my whole life is interdependent now. It used to be completely independent. I lived alone. I had my cabinet business alone. I had my own kayak, and so I'd go and put it in by myself. I love that. And now I'm completely interdependent. Except once I'm set up, I can gaze on my computer and I could do things, I could do business on my own. But then I need somebody else to help me shut everything down and get me to bed. This interdependence is like a constant mantra to gratefulness. It has enriched experiences, tenfold you never would have guessed. But that's what happens when you come out from hiding and you invite people in and you share your truth and you become vulnerable. It's a beautiful thing that's happening in my life. In my book, I do three parts, and it's the third part that's all about interdependent adventure. I'm paralyzed, basically, but I've got my mind. I'm surrounded by love. All of a sudden. I recognize this as the ultimate in fulfillment. I never lived my life that way up until recently, and I'm just surprised and tickled. It's just a great way to live.

Well, it's wonderful to talk to you, Georgina, and hear how your life has transformed, and I just wish more of that for you.

Neil Marcus. Google him. He's amazing. He's a playwright and an actor and author. He would go up in front of a crowd and say, disability is not a brave struggle or courage in the face of adversity. Disability is an art. It's an ingenious way to live.

Thank you, Georgina, for joining us today. And check the show notes for information about how to order Georgina's book and her biography about where she came from and where she is now. And stay tuned because we'll have another episode next month in October as well.

Thank you for joining me today on get what you need and feel good about it. Remember, when you speak up for yourself, assertively you will get what you need and feel good about it. You will also be showing respect for yourself and for the other people in your life who are important to you. Until next time, try thinking about it like Stephanie Lahart says it say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it.

Mean before it gets too late. And the only way to do this is with hope not. Yes, the only way to do this is with hope not hate. Close.