Foreign I'm Darian Slayton Fleming and thank you for joining me on get what you need and feel good about it. Do you find it difficult to ask for what you need? Do you frequently feel misunderstood? Do you have a problem or cause that you would like to learn to manage more effectively? What makes it so hard for us to tell each other how we feel and how do we speak up for ourselves so we get what we need and feel good about it? How do we do this respectfully so that we honor the needs and feelings of others? Together, we'll explore tips, strategies and resources that when used mindfully and consistently, will improve our results and enrich our relationships.

Hello hello and welcome back to get what you need and feel good about it. I am Darian Slayton Fleming, your hostess and today I am joined by Bill Scholl from Shelton, Washington. And today we are talking about gratitude. I first became aware of Bill when I discovered that he does a community call on the American Council of the Blind community call schedule about gratitude and I have just become aware in my own journey about how helpful gratitude is in terms of being happy with where I am in life right now and how gratitude can really be a healer and help us feel more hopeful in life. And Bill's community call on the American Council of the Blind community call schedule is called Living a grateful life. Hi Bill, thank you for joining us.

Thank you Darian, for having me. It is a pleasure to be here this morning.

I am so excited to be talking about this topic. When I was growing up, I had no idea that there was such a thing. People would tell me, well, you should just be happy with what, what you have. So tell us a little bit about yourself, Bill. Maybe what your vision situation is or what you like to do in life.

Wow, that. So we got a two hour call maybe. No, I, well, first off, I'm, I last January I celebrated my 83rd birthday so I am out and about doing many things. Like you said, I have the community call on the first and third Thursdays of each month. Living a grateful life. If people would like to come and join in and are not on the schedule, you can get on the schedule by doing going to community acb.org and sign up to get that link to join. And I do that in person here in Shelton, also at the ymca. And so that really is a, a rewarding time. I started. Well first off, I'll, I'll go back a little bit. I'm a retired lay minister for the United Methodist Church. I, my last church was in Oakville, Washington, where I served almost 10 years. And all along my journey in this process of being a lay minister, which means that I was a minister of a church, but never went to seminary to get the officialness of that. But I've always tried to be an encourager. If I recognize somebody that's doing a great job or doing something well or just being the right person, I look at them and. And then compliment them as much as I can. About three months ago, I received a. An email from the veterans. I am a veteran from 1960-63, by the way, in the Army. And then that email came from a program that's called Whole Health. And they are encouraging people to be more grateful in their life. There is a video out by Andrew Hubbard on YouTube about the medical advantages of gratitude. And with that and the email from the Veterans Whole Health Program, I became very interested in doing more research. Well, that led to one thing and to another, and then I started to figure, well, how am I going to be an advocate for gratitude now? Because of my very low vision from diabetic retinopathy, I do a lot of things either on the computer or by zoom. And the natural progression of sharing this idea of gratitude was focused towards the American Council of the Blind and their community call. So I contacted them and that was the beginning of this project.

Yes, and it is a wonderful call where people really do participate because you insisted that they participate in some of the community calls that I do when I ask for shares. There's a lot of silence. And so I love how you make it totally interactive. And you mentioned that you are low vision. I'm thinking that a lot of us who have experienced challenges and setbacks and feel lesser than may not practice gratitude in our lives. Do you ever feel like your life is being shaken to the point where focusing on gratitude is really difficult for you to do?

Certainly life is messy. Life gets really tough sometimes. But for instance, I. I'll give you a real quick example. This last Wednesday, I was in town walking from one point to another from a coffee shop. And I needed to go three blocks down to the Civic center, which is City hall in Shelton, and it started raining terribly hard. And of course I do not have a umbrella, but I do have my smart glasses on. And there you are by Ray Ban, by the way. And I am walking on the same side of the street that I'm supposed to go to and only supposed to go three blocks, raining like crazy. I could not see. I get to a street and there's a lot of traffic. And I'm. I stand there and I'm lost. I cannot figure out where I am. All of a sudden, some nice person gets to my left side and says, do you need some help? Yes, I need to go to the civic center. Somehow this person seen me standing there, pulled his truck over, and he says, I can take you there. Wait a minute, I need to turn my truck off. He went, and he came back with an umbrella as well. I happen to be one block away and across the street. I have no idea how I got there. Now. I was terribly upset that I had not. I was lost. I was at this corner, did not know where I was, and totally grateful for this person to come along and guide me back where I needed to be.

Be.

So, yes, there's times in your life when you get to a point where it's difficult, but if you can think of a time or recall a time that somebody did a wonderful, grateful thing for you and bring that up, that will help you and then also be grateful that you're still breathing and you're not walking out into traffic. And so, you know. But yes, there are those times when that happens.

That's a very specific incident and a very specific type of thing that we can be grateful for. I have been lost many a time myself, and it's. I am not the kind of person that when people offer me help, I say, no, I don't need help. And especially when it's pouring down rain. Right. And not only that, he brought an umbrella.

Exactly. Yes. And walk me right to the door of where I needed to go. Yes.

Right.

Yeah.

We've covered this a little bit in your opening remarks, but can you tell us a little bit more about what prompted you to decide that focusing on gratitude would be helpful for you?

Not only for me, but for as many people as I can share it with. One of my recent focus is on advocacy and sharing as much as I can. And the more I studied about gratitude and the benefits of gratitude, not only in just your general health, but in your. Your everyday life and your outlook upon life and the way that you can interact with other people. And there it's just so many. Like I mentioned about Andrew Hubbard, he talks about the. The endorphins and the chemicals that come from having the gratitude or the gratefulness in your life, the more I learn about the benefits and what will help other people. As I mentioned, I have been a lay minister, and so my goal is to help people as much as I can in as many different ways as I can.

It occurs to me that we in, in the field of social work focus on the mental health benefits of gratitude. But you were mentioning the medical benefits of gratitude. And we do know scientifically that yes, people who are angry, people who are stuck in depression, people who have anxiety, that also affects our physical bodies and we are more prone to coronary problems and strokes. And so something that seems so simple like just saying thank you or naming something that went well today or expressing gratitude really does improve our overall health. How has focusing on gratitude improved your own quality of life?

Wow, that's a great question. I think that it has given me a new challenge in my life. You know, not necessarily. I. I am definitely physically more able to do things that I would like to do. I'm very involved with the Lions Club International. The Lions Club. I happen to be president of a virtual Lions Club. But with this new focus on being grateful. And you are absolutely right by just being able to say thank you. Sometimes thank you does not seem to be enough. But when it comes from the heart, it is enough. And if you're very, very grateful for what, whatever happened, whatever action, whatever feeling that you have received from that gratefulness, then you would be able to bring that from your heart into your thank you and be able to get that across to the person you're grateful to.

And so not only is gratitude in a case like that going to feel good and improve my sense of well being or your sense of well being, but it may be just what another person needs to lift their day. Before we started today, we were talking about possible quotes that might be shared about gratitude. And I just thought of one that I'm going to throw in right here. I found at the National Braille Press a magnet with braille on it that said, and I even have seen a greeting card that says this. To the world you may just be one person, but to one person, you may be the world. And what we do really does rub off on other people. If we're happy and grateful and encouraging, we uplift other people. But if we are negative and upset all the time, that affects everybody around us. Can you talk about an exercise or a tool that our listeners can use in their own lives to feel more uplifted and grateful?

Thank you for that question. Yes, there are many tools that people can do and use. One is to take and sit down at the time before you go to bed and write down two or three. Or if just one thing that you are grat grateful for that day, do that for a period of time and then look back upon that there. And Joyce Meyers has a wonderful video about saying thank you. How to say thank you to different people. But just to be like you mentioned, a per one person making a positive statement in the world is just a very beneficial thought for not only yourself, but for the other person. There are several other methods that are available, but it seems the, the, the quickest and the easiest is to sit down and write down a item that, or something that happened that day that you are grateful for makes you think about how your day went and what you were thankful for.

Right. I often reflect on how so often we think about the big things. If only I could have my dream job. If only I could be in that wonderful loving relationship. If only I could live in my own house and I didn't have to live in assistive living or anything like that. Those are big things and those are. If we can achieve those things, they're wonderful. But I have been learning on my more recent journey that the little things are as impactful just even if I wake up feeling good today, which I did and last night I went to bed early because I wasn't feeling well. And this morning I woke up and I felt like myself again. And so the sun on my skin is warm, the, the laughter of my granddaughter. Anything, even if it's a small thing, is beautiful and worth mentioning. And it is those present moments, I have a friend who calls them glimmers that yes, we experience are, are not insignificant.

Absolutely. And you know, if you're saying, wow, I, I would like to live in my own house, but I'm grateful for the roof over my head in the place that I have to live now.

Very good.

Yes. And in one of the videos, the, the person mentions that they get down to the point where I am grateful I have two hands and I have two feet. I may not be able to see as much as I used to, but I'm grateful that I still am standing erect or getting around or being. Having the food to eat or yeah. There's just so many things that we can draw upon to be thankful for. And like you said, the little things, they will also be beneficial.

Right. There's world expert named Robert Emmons who has studied gratitude. And there's a book called the Mindfulness Toolbox. I do not know if it's in a, in an alternative format, but I have a worksheet called the Happiness Worksheet and that's where I read about Robert Emmons and one of the exercises that is suggested on the Happiness Worksheet is called three good things. And it is just a matter of every night before you go to bed. If you cannot write and you mainly navigate by your own mind power, it's still okay just to think. Think about three things that you're grateful for that day. And there's so many different versions of that, but you might think about what went well today, what you're looking forward to tomorrow. And then he further challenges us not to repeat the same three things the next night. And you were saying earlier if you do it for a period of time and then look back at it. So I have seen it suggested that you do it for three weeks, because we know that we can develop a habit if we repeat it for at least 21 days. So if you do it for three weeks and then you look back on what you captured, you will be surprised how much you have to be grateful for.

Absolutely. I like it because it not only gets you to the point of doing it on a regular basis, but it can start to change. Like you mentioned, your mindset, your. Your whole attitude about looking towards tomorrow. You know, yes, I have these three things today, but what about tomorrow? I would give a really good explanation of that in that at Christmas time in the Lions Club, we have a gentleman that is autistic and a bit challenged. And at that Christmas party for the Lions, he gave each and every one there a pencil coloring page that he had produced just for a present for all of us in the February meeting at the Lions Club, I gave him a thank you card for this drawing and told him in front of everybody that I was grateful for his taking the time to work on this drawing. And it now hangs at the door of my office. I was grateful. Yeah.

So beautiful. As we were looking at quotes before we recorded this episode, there was one that said not expressing gratitude is like wrapping a present and not giving it. And you made me think of that. There are so many different ways to express gratitude. And I would challenge all of you out there, if you're not doing it, to take some time and choose one of the ideas we've talked about and see if your mindset changes and see how you begin to feel and even how your interactions with other people improve. When we show up cheerful and welcoming, we change the whole experience of the day. Bill, do you have any parting words for our listeners?

Just to give it a try if you're not into that. Recognizing how things can be, you can be grateful for. Give it, sit down and. And give it a shot and see how it will affect your life. I guarantee it will improve your life. Thank you.

And you don't have to wait till you go to bed to focus on gratitude. You can do it by thanking a person in your day. You can do it at any moment that something goes. Well, you can do it at any moment when you realize, wow, this is a beautiful day.

Yep, absolutely. I agree with that wholeheartedly. Yes,

you mentioned that you do the ACB community call or the American Council of the Blind community call, and that really is offered to people in the blindness community. But anyone can join the call. Sighted people can join the call. People with other disabilities can join the call. And your community call is called living a grateful life. To get on that list, send an email to community cb.org Are you open to people reaching out to you, Bill, and how would people contact you?

If someone wants to contact me, they would need to send an email to communitycb.org and ask for the contact information for myself. Or they would share with me and I would get back with them. So they have kind of a process to do that. I would love to reach out to anybody that would like to do that.

This information will be in the show notes, so be sure to check those today as we close, Bill and I would like to share a couple of quotes about gratitude. The first one is wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life. And that quote is by Rumi. And as we were contemplating quotes, I remembered this other one in a song by Cheryl Crow and she sings, it's not about having what you want, it is about wanting what you have. That is a paraphrase on that quote, but it has always stuck with me. Bill, thank you so much for joining us today.

Thank you for having me. I am thrilled to be a part

of your podcast, Take care everyone and tune in again in April for another episode of get what you need and feel good about it. Take care.

Thank you for joining me today on get what you need and feel good about it. Remember, when you speak up for yourself assertively, you will get what you need and feel good about it. You will also be showing respect for yourself and for the other people in your life who are important to you. Until next time, try thinking about it like Stephanie Lahart says it,

say what

you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it. The only way to do this is with hope not. Yes, the only way to do this

is with hope not hate.