Foreign I'm Darian Slayton Fleming and thank you for joining me on get what you need and feel good about it. Do you find it difficult to ask for what you need? Do you frequently feel misunderstood? Do you have a problem or cause that you would like to learn to manage more effectively? What makes it so hard for us to tell each other how we feel and how do we speak up for ourselves so we get what we need and feel good about it? How do we do this respectfully so that we honor the needs and feelings of others? Together we'll explore tips, strategies and resources that, when used mindfully and consistently, will improve our results and enrich our relationships. Hello and welcome back to GET what YOU need and feel good about It. Thank you for joining me today. I'm Darian Slayton Fleming, your host. I would like to start by giving you a little bit of information about what I'm up to these days. In the midst of preparing these podcasts, I have become a Certified Happiness Trainer. I was certified through Marci Schimoff, co author of Happy for no Reason and Love for no Reason. Happy for no Reason is available through your talking book and Braille library and on Bard and Happy for no Reason and Love for no Reason are both available on Audible. I am the author of two books. My first book is called Speak up for yourself, get what you need and feel good about it and my more recent book is called Defying Death Living an empowered life with multiple Disabilities. These books are available on and these books are available on Amazon, on Kindle and in paperback form. I hope to have them available in an audio format soon. Since I have become a Certified Happiness Trainer, I have made the decision to broaden my business practice as a therapist to do life coaching. As a Certified Happiness Trainer I have a package put together for individual one on one coaching and you can find information about that on my website which is Embrace Happiness Me Embrace Happiness Me. I also offer a Market Exchange program which is a group that meets monthly on the fourth Thursday of every month at 3pm Pacific Time and you can sign up for that on embracehappiness Me. It is called Market Exchange. In this group, we entrepreneurs provide support for one another and share resources and our own expertise. In this group you would have a chance to showcase your business, what you're working on, how you are marketing your services and we learn from each other about marketing and networking tips. At the time of this recording I have put together a six week seminar called Let Go, Forgive and set yourself free. This will be on six successive Thursdays beginning August 7th and you can choose from one of two times either 11am to 12:30pm Pacific or 6 to 7:30pm Pacific. In addition to the live webinars, this course will include written and experiential exercises that you will receive in the form of a workbook that you can practice and use anytime you need them. They will reflect what we cover in the live webinars. This course also includes a follow up support group that will meet monthly. You get to choose your time and the group will be peer driven and instructions will be provided about how to run your follow up support group. I am also a licensed clinical social worker and I have a thriving therapy practice in Portland, Oregon. I am licensed to practice in Oregon and I now do mostly telehealth which would be video or phone appointments. You can check that out at get counseling portland.com today I decided to produce an episode about anxiety and worry. Anxiety and worry come up a lot in my therapy sessions with clients. Anxiety is a very intrusive, sometimes disabling experience that even can include panic attacks. But today I want to talk about strategies for managing worry. Worry is a form of anxiety. It's about the future. It's about what might happen and what might not happen and what ifs and fear and basically a feeling of a lack of control. When we don't feel safe and we don't think we can control our safety, we feel really anxious. Worry has a sneaky way of taking over. It creeps in and steals our focus and leaves us feeling stuck. Does that happen to you? When stress and anxiety start piling up, the most effective antidote is to take action. Taking even a small step forward can shift your focus away from the spiral of worry and toward something more productive. Whatever action you take does not have to be a big move. It could be something as simple as replying to that one email, or jotting down a list of priorities, or stepping outside for some fresh air. Any kind of action that keeps you moving can be helpful. Action breaks the cycle of overthinking. It tells your brain that you are in control. The more you act, the less power worry has over you. And the surprising thing about most of the things that we stress over is that our worries tend to shrink or even resolve themselves once we start doing something about them. Sometimes we even forget that we have that worry. So the next time anxiety tries to take over your life, remind yourself that action, no matter how small, is the key. You'll be shocked about how much lighter things feel when you start moving. I have taken several workshops about anxiety and have learned so much that has helped me in my own life. Even the next tip that I want to talk about is listing your worries. Write down your worrisome thoughts and feelings. When we write down our worries or concerns, it quiets and slows down our intrusive circular thinking in our heads. There seems to be something about seeing or reading the concern on paper or on the screen that can help us get calm and clarity. Another tip is ask yourself is it helpful or useful to worry about this or not? My theory is that if it is helpful to worry or think about this, you will find that there is an action step you can take. If there is something that you can do, an action you can take. Take that action and notice that your worry will probably subside if it comes up again, do the same thing. Try these strategies. I guarantee you worries will come up if you don't have control or can't take an action. It would be helpful to find ways to let go of your worries. But in our previous episode where I talked about my upcoming course on letting go, forgiving and setting yourself free, there are some letting go strategies included in that episode. Next, ask yourself if the worry is a signal or noise. I learned this from an anxiety expert and it's a very interesting concept. He explains that if it is noise, there is not some kind of action you can if it is noise, use letting go and self soothing strategies and those strategies have come up in various episodes on this podcast and in the previous episode I do talk about a couple of letting go strategies. Worry is a signal if you can address the concern in some way. Next, use your self talk. Tell your worry to stay in its own lane. You can say this in your head or say it out loud, even put some expression into it and feel it in your body that you really mean it. You're in control, telling that worry to stay in it slain. You can also tell yourself I'm switching to the helpful channel just as if you were turning the dial on a radio. Actively focus on something more helpful. Focus on the present moment and actively focus on something that is more helpful. Recently I had a session with a client who had an injured dog and she was very worried about her and we used self talk to consider how to trust that her dog will heal and how to let go of the worry. We identified that her dog was on a new medication which was managing the dog's nausea. We identified that the dog was now holding down food and water and we identified that the dog was sleeping so it must have been feeling calm and peaceful and able to relax. When we can redirect our thinking and identify the positives, the lessons, and the gifts, this can be very comforting and change our focus. Now let's talk about Postponing the worry. If you're in the middle of something or you you are worrying in the middle of the night, worry may distract you or interfere with a task in the present moment. Consider designating a specific time to focus on the concern. Decide to put the concern on hold until you can take action. Actions you might take might include talking to a friend about it or some of the ideas that I mentioned earlier, such as listing priorities or going outside for fresh air. Just to get a break from the worry, you could choose to tell yourself that you will make that important phone call during regular business hours. One anxiety expert I listened to described a woman who struggled with worry and she decided to use the postpone the worry strategy. She noted that when she was busy working or making kids lunches before school or in the middle of a task, it wasn't convenient to worry. She decided that she was going to worry about the troublesome thoughts while she was driving in her car on the way to and from work, and when it actually came to pass, she found herself singing along with the radio rather than worrying. This idea goes back to what we talked about in the beginning of this episode, when worries can often shrink and be less stressing when it actually comes right down to it. Next, when you worry, reach out for support. Talk with people who are willing and able to be supportive of you and your particular issue. It's also that you can choose who you decide to share what with. So if your child doesn't want to hear about your worries but your mom does, add her to your list of people that you can turn to. Another tip is distracted your mind by focusing on a specific task that is engaging and helpful. Try to notice what is going well in the present moment. In fact, if we focus on the present moment, it's hard to worry because worry is thoughts about the future. Next, there might be some things that you worry about that you can plan for in advance. Expecting an important paycheck to arrive in your mailbox when you are away from home, or those porch pirates that steal packages from your home when you aren't aware they've been delivered or you are away from home, Perhaps you could ask a trusted neighbor to retrieve those items and keep them for you. If you worry about making a payment on a bill late, set alarms on your phone, or identify a date by which you will take care of it and mark that on your calendar. I would like to close with a quote about worry. It goes like this. If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past. Do not worry about the future. Focus on living fully in the present. That quote is by Roy T. Bennett from a work called the Light in the Heart. I hope you find easier, less stressful present moments by using the tools I have suggested that resonate with you and never worry. I'll be back again next month with another episode of get what you need and feel good about it. Thanks everyone and take care. Thank you for joining me today on get what you need and feel good about it. Remember, when you speak up for yourself assertively, you will get what you need and feel good about it. You will also be showing respect for yourself and for the other people in your life who are important to you. Until next time, try thinking about it like Stephanie Lahart says it say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it. Change the world before it gets too late. And the only way to do this is with hope, not it. Yes, the only way to do this is with hope, not hate.