I'm Darian Slate and Fleming and thank you for joining me on get what you need and feel good about it. Do you find it difficult to ask for what you need? Do you frequently feel misunderstood? Do you have a problem or cause that you would like to learn to manage more effectively? What makes it so hard for us to tell each other how we feel and how do we speak up for ourselves so we get what we need and feel good about it? How do we do this? Respectfully, so that we honor the needs and feelings of others? Together, we'll explore tips, strategies and resources that, when used mindfully and consistently, will improve our results and enrich our relationships. Hello and welcome back. To get what you need and feel good about it, I'm Darian Slayton Fleming, your hostess. Today we are continuing on in the series I'm doing on communication, and I have decided to focus on a different aspect of communication, which is our self talk and how we process and express our thoughts and feelings. How we process our thoughts and feelings has a lot to do with how we go through life and how we speak up for ourselves so we get what we need and feel good about it. Understanding our thoughts and feelings helps us get clarity and better express our feelings and needs so we feel like we do get what we need and feel good about it. Today I am joined by An Chia Petta. I met Anne in the American Council of the Blind in a special interest affiliate called Friends in Art. Friends in art has an interest category all about writing. Anne is a poet and an author. Ann's creative nonfiction, poems and essays have appeared internationally in online literary blogs, anthologies, and more. She has a short story called the Misty Torrent that appeared in the Artificial Dividend Renaissance Press, 2021. Ann has been given a couple of really cool awards. In 2019, the Guide Dog Users Incorporated, which is a special interest affiliate of the American Council of the Blind, awarded her Excellence in Writing award, and in 2016 she received the Spirit of Independence award from WdoMI. Welcome Ann. Thank you for joining us.

Hi Darian, thank you for having me today.

Would you explain to us what Wdomi is and what that award meant to you?

WdoMI is the acronym for Westchester disabled on the move Incorporated. It is an independent living center located in Yonkers, New York. I received that award for my advocacy work for accessible pedestrian signal work in helping the local government and officials understand what an accessible pedestrian signal is and how it helps people with disabilities and why they needed to start initiating installing the apps on streets in Westchester.

Ann was diagnosed in 1993 with a rare retinal progressive disease. Ann says that she accepts vision loss as part of her life, but it doesn't define who she is as a whole person. She and I have shared an interest in writing because it's a way for us to express ourselves and also explore our thoughts and feelings, which is what we're talking about today. How to use writing as a tool for healing and growth. Not only do we use words in the spoken form to express ourselves, to impart information, and to ask for what we need, but we use writing in many different ways. So, can you tell us a little bit about your journey? What helped you decide to become a writer, and what needs writing fulfills for you?

Well, I am a very introverted kind of person when it comes to my feelings and expressing them. I had to learn how to do that over time. You know, I'm of a certain age now, and of course, you know, age and wisdom, you know, helps you out with learning how to do those things and getting better at it. But way back when I first lost my vision, I used writing as a way to externalize all of the turmoil that I was feeling after being diagnosed with RP and being told that I eventually go blind. Probably a lot of people that were listening to this would identify with my struggle of learning how to become a person who is blind after being sighted for so long. And poetry and essays helped me use that, the art of writing as a catharsis. And that's part of what helped me process my grief over the loss of my vision, my anger over it, and the why me. I also saw a therapist at the time as well. So those two things combined together in terms of my mental health helped me recover more quickly and actually learn how to be a whole person again because I felt broken.

Yeah, feeling broken is a very lonely place, and that's when I do most of my writing is when I feel broken, when I feel adrift, and I don't do as much writing when things are going well. But it is another time to write, and I believe that Anne will have some pieces to share with us that help us explore different feelings. Since you spoke about your experience with vision loss, I was thinking that I would have you read some of the pieces that you've written that helped you work through some of your feelings. And so would you share with us at this time the poem that you wrote about your experience with vision loss?

Sure. This poem is called dysfunctional love. I wrote this poem and probably about eight years ago, and I included it in my collection called words of poems and essays. Here you go. Dysfunctional love. You never really helped me, you know. I slipped from the birth canal, damaged beautiful irises, hazel with flecks of blue and moss green. Bilateral duds. I thought everyone squinted, tripped and panicked at night. I thought missing a ball thrown at me directly was just clumsy. I loved you and you let me down. You didn't perform protect, keep me safe. I know it isn't your fault. Blame it on genetics. I loved you and had to let go. Oh, how I hated the pain of not seeing, not feeling, the freedom, the independence it burned let to doubt holes of black sorrow. Not even the rosary could save me. Yet here I sit, loving you or the ideal of you. Lovely twins entwined, conjoined by a frayed optic thread, tiny, malfunctioning cells taking up space in my head. Ocular Persona non grata. How I miss you. Thanks.

Wow. I'm sure that our listeners will want to ponder those words. Because of your vision loss, you have an understanding of what loss is like, and I just want to say here that many of my interview guests do have vision impairments. That's because that's the community I most identify with and where my connections are. But if you are listening and you have another type of chronic health condition or disability, or even if you don't, you may struggle with similar feelings and thoughts. So I wanted to ask you, Annie, can you tell us about one or two barriers that you have had to overcome to be able to continue your writing career and what helps you stay the course.

In terms of barriers? I think myself is the biggest barrier because in terms of confidence and giving myself permission to say that I am a writer, even though I'm blind, sometimes those two things conflict with one another, especially in my capacity of calling attention to myself, you know, and saying, I'm a writer and I want to be heard. And I, you know, and I also find a, like a conflict about, do I want to be heard because I'm a blind person who writes, or do I want to be heard because I write and I'm talented? So there's, there's that. That's an internal conflict I often have with myself and sometimes comes out in a lot of my. In my writing, especially my poetry. And when I'm referring back to my.

Disability, how do you stay the course? How do you keep doing what you love doing, even when there's barriers?

I think the biggest thing is self discipline, and that you have to develop that at first over time. So in terms of writing and giving myself permission to write, and I already talked about that, is, is having. Having a routine and having it. The routine and the self discipline to back me up at times when I don't feel. When I'm having. I don't believe in writer's block or anything. But sometimes I do have low moments, those moments where I don't feel so inspired, but I do know I have to get back and get something done or meet a deadline. And that self discipline is what helps me get over that hump.

Do you have any strategies that help prompt you or help you process or clarify the parts of yourself that need to be expressed?

That is a wonderful question. And, yes, I have. Of course, when you're a writer, you're in your head a lot. I spoke before about externalizing my thoughts and my feelings. And the first type of writing I did to do that was poetry. So poetry will always be my go to when I want to find out how I think about something or how I want to understand something. It could be how I want to express what I'm hearing or even, like, if I'm on vacation and something interesting happens. How to. How to capture that and capturing my feelings is, in poetry, is actually way harder than anything else I've ever done in my writing career. But it's so rewarding when you get it right. And I can't really. I can't really say how it happens for me. So I usually sit with a thought and I toss it around in my head, and I, okay, what am I feeling about this? What words would I use to express this? You know, sometimes I'm not successful. Sometimes I do have to, you know, go back to it later. It's too overdeveloped, overwhelming, or too overpowering, or I'm not focused enough. And that's okay. I give myself permission to say, okay, now's not the time. Let me go back to it.

So there's an element of patience with yourself as well as asking the questions, sitting with maybe in quiet, listening to your inner voice and just pouring out whatever comes to mind. I know sometimes when I write, things write themselves in my head. I just don't know where they come from, but they come right out through my head, through my fingertips. And other times I write down ideas, and then that's kind of like my first draft, and I'll percolate about it and edit. And so sometimes poems or stories are written over time, and sometimes they're written in the moment. I know that you have some other pieces to share with us. We talked a little bit about loss. We write about different events, feelings and thoughts that we have in life. And so some of the trends that we write might be about loss, as in your poem about your vision loss. But I also know that you have another poem about loss regarding losing your father, correct?

Yes.

Can you share that with us?

Sure. A lot of my poetry is about loss. It's like I said, a catharsis. This is about my dad, who died from Alzheimer's about ten years ago. It's called salutations. Goodbyes were said long ago, although I couldn't say why. A life of 80 years has ended. And with it, the deal making begins. Preceded by melancholy, preceded by guilt and denial and anger. The funereal umbrella, a black winged shroud, flapping and snapping, refusing to fold. Preceded by watching my father slowly die. A young girl's fractured attachments brought on by divorce. A father's quiescent avoidance built the wall in due course, I know sad refrains in death's bitter dirges. I've grieved since age nine of death and dying. What do I really know? I question the purity of loss, the sanctity of mourning. Because I surely haven't achieved either with the solemnity of a widow's attire or baptism by fire. Though I've tried what I know. Flutters like film strips, time lapsed, monochrome and silent. In this heart and mind, all there is, all that is gone is feather on stone, wind on water. Gone. Thank you.

Wow. You actually wrote about other losses within that poem about losing your dad. I heard you mention divorce. And we have all kinds of losses, whether we have a disability or not. Things happen to us in life, in other parts of our lives, because we are whole people. So I think that many of our listeners can relate on many different levels. Another feeling that is prevalent for most of us is fear. And fear is a form of anxiety. And it often keeps us from taking action. I know that you have a poem about fear. Can you read that to us?

Yes. This poem was written about my fear of taking the final plunge into blindness. Losing the ability to read a the printed word or use magnification. I had a couple of years there in my life where it was just really tough for me to take that final step and get. And use Jaws, for instance, to use a screen reader. It was a time in my life where it was very difficult for me to admit that I would no longer be able to read, print. It was a difficult time. So this poem is called diving from the Cliffs of Acapulco. Divers knife the water burnished, speedo clad bodies wait for a chance to be a projectile I wait, afraid to take the plunge envying they courage doubt clings like Sandhya I am so separate, so frightened I'll never jump. Thank you.

We have been talking about writing poems mostly, and writing can be done for so many reasons, to express our thoughts and feelings and also to clarify our thoughts. We can even use it in terms of documenting events that happen so we can refer back to them if we need to do some advocacy for ourselves. And in terms of just overcoming an event in our lives, we can use journaling. We can even just write affirmations for ourselves and post them where we'll see them readily when we need to be reminded of how we can stay strong. And in future. I am hoping to have a guest come on and talk with us about therapeutic process called narrative therapy. And Anne, actually, through her poems and her stories, is doing a form of narrative therapy that any of us can do, whether we know the professional way to do it or not, because it's all about expressing ourselves and coming to a point of understanding and healing. So, Ann, do you have any final thoughts about how writing fills your cup?

Writing is. I wouldn't be able to be as grounded of a person without writing. Writing is my creativity grounder. I'm a very creative person. Like I said before and before I went blind, I was a very visually driven person. I designed furniture and I sketched and I visited museums and loved visual art. Then when I lost my vision, I had to find a different way to channel that creativity, and writing was the answer for me. So I'm very blessed to be able to have made that transition in my life so I could continue, you know, a life that I find, you know, where I feel blessed and I feel fulfilled. And I've been able to achieve the writing goals that I've dreamed about since I was a child.

That's a wonderful and we can write, as we said, about times when we're broken. But I also know that writing can give us hope and joy and reason to keep on living the lives we love. Check the show notes for Annie's contact information, and I hope you will explore and learn more about her. Maybe even glean some ideas about how you can use writing to motivate yourself and to heal yourself. And I want us to leave this interview on a high note because we can also write about hope and joy. So, in closing, Annie is going to read a poem that she has written that gives her joy. Will you share that with us? Annie?

Sure. This poem is called Air Dancing. Under latticed dome abides a steed on brass pole tether carnival jewels adorn a saddle of faded leather black forest songs are performed by Tin Mendenna wearing hose seen at a glance as I whirl past round breezes stirring my clothes, I recreate what age has chased by riding beside my child. Joyful smiles emanate as we prance aloft for miles carousel I knew not your circular deceptions, causing my eyes to tear from windy reflections. I, my child, meek and mild, meshed in imagination whirling, urging our horses to unknown destinations. As our ride concludes, we gratefully pat our steeds. This venture, simple and sweet, is all my child needs to transform experiences into memories. Thank you.

Beautiful. It's so wonderful to read and write about joy as an antidote to fear and loss. I hope you will have gleaned some tips about how you might use writing in your process of self discovery, healing and growth. And Annie, thank you for joining us today. It's been such a pleasure.

Thank you. Darian, thanks for letting me share my work and my life with you. I'm very happy to have been here today to do that.

Thank you. And to all of you out there, thank you for joining us. And stay tuned for another episode of get what you need and feel good about it in October. Be well. Thank you for joining me today on get what you need and feel good about it. Remember, when you speak up for yourself assertively, you will get what you need and feel good about it. You will also be showing respect for yourself and for the other people in your life who are important to you. Until next time, try thinking about like Stephanie Lahart says it. When compassion is over, say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean before it gets too late. And the only way to do this is with hope, not it. Yes, the only way to do this.

Is with hope, not hate.